


Colours of Expression

by Prumery



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Building Relationship, M/M, netherlands is kind of a cunt he's a little shit i swear, professor/student
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-09-27
Packaged: 2018-04-12 16:21:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4486476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prumery/pseuds/Prumery
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vincent loves to pick on Matthew, and soon enough, him picking on the canadian guy makes him burst. But what is it about this angry man that has Vincent on his toes and wanting to just bug the shit out of him.<br/>Vincent wants a lot of things, Vincent likes a lot of things. And maybe, He might like Matthew a little too much</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have always wanted to write a multi fic nedcan thing and so here i am with a professor/student au  
> enjoy
> 
>  
> 
> btw, sorry that vincent is out of character i dont usually write ned

There were a lot of things that Vincent didn’t like in his college career, and being in art class was one of them.  
He could make an entire list as to why art was unnecessary and why it should probably never be taught ever again. He could make petitions, maybe a campaign, or insert some other thing that PTA mom’s can vote against.  
But then again, he was really, really lazy and preferred to smoke away the money used in anything but, so let’s just move onto why he hated art.  
Okay, so when he came to this little town, he expected a lot worse. He had heard bad things about the United States, most bordering on people not selling good weed. That was a bit of a shocker, since the asshole were close to Mexico, and his Mexican friend back in Netherlands had the best weed.  
But, never mind that.  
It was nice, it was quaint. Mostly just old people smiling and waving at Vincent, and he was forced to awkwardly wave back, and not say “good morning” without sounding like someone who hasn’t spoken in thirteen years.  
“Yes, Rachel i have made sure I have food,” He rolled his eyes as he opened his fridge, seeing that there was more than enough food for the month. He did indulge in food, because believe it or not, Vincent preferred food over weed.  
Surprising, huh?  
“Are you sure? Last time you went to the US, you were stuck eating peanut butter,”  
“You promised you would never bring that up,” Vincent stood up, pulling out some milk and riffling to find cereal. Everything was so sugary, yeesh, that’s why this country is overweight.  
“Well, yes. But I’m not going to,” She giggled and Vincent smiled gently at his sister’s laugh. She was a sweet girl, and really the only reason he was doing this was for her. She had encouraged him to come to study, even though he already had an okay job and a nice apartment.  
“ I want you to be better, brother! And not need to rely on Papa and Mama’s money,”  
He laughed at that, but he was encouraged.  
“Have a good day at school, brother,”  
“Of course, Rachel,” He said gently, smiling as she did a kiss sound into the speaker. He hung up and started to pack his things.  
Art class. Here we go.

 

* * *

  
Rachel called him as he walked to class, making sure that he had eaten, and that he had gotten all of his things. Vincent, of course, had to answer in Dutch, and was getting weird looks from everyone around him as the tall man crossed the room like a graceful giraffe and spoke gruffly into the phone.  
“Rachel, I got all of my things, please leave me be,”  
“Vincent, you ate peanut butter-“  
“AND YOU BRING THAT UP AGAIN!”  
Vincent shouted in Dutch, and threw his bag down. There were jumps from everyone around him, including a tiny asian girl with big brown eyes.  
“Don’t shout,”  
“I’m not shouting,” He deflated and sat down. Class was beginning to start, and he found himself bored already. The students all looked like watered down art geeks, and half of them looked like they needed showers. Vincent was the only one that looked like he could open a bottle of beer with his bare hands, and was the only one without a portfolio or any sort of art utensils.  
He wasn’t ready at all for this class.  
He had only packed for his math class, and honestly the two hours he was spending here were already a buzz-fucking-kill. He had smoked a little before he came in, and he was a little high, so everything was a bit fuzzy.  
“Are you in class?”  
“Yeah, I’m in class,” He whispered, looking at the clock as he waited for the class to begin. Suddenly, a really hot and curvy Spanish woman basically strutted into the room, and Vincent could almost say that he was interested in this class.  
Almost.  
She had full lips, bright green eyes and her skin was the most delicious shade of brown that he’d seen ever. It was almost mirroring his own, seeing as though he had an okay brown tinge in his skin. Her perfect hourglass figure couldn’t knock some sense into any man dying, and oh man, his pants suddenly got uncomfortable.  
He shouldn’t have smoked; he was starting to let his emotions waver.  
“Class, we might begin a little late today,”  
Oh, yes he was very interested indeed. If this woman conducted the class, he’d be the next Van Gogh if he was just allowed to hold her hand.  
“Is the Professor out?”  
The tiny asian girl whispered, and Vincent saw her name on her sketch of some anime character. Her name was Sakura, how cute.  
Wait, now that he thought about it, the professor was that woman… right?  
“Unfortunately, he’s a little late. He had to get some medicine and the traffic jam screwed him up. Give him ten minutes,” Her voice was practically a melting pot of lust and everything good in women and Vincent found himself close to crying at how beautiful she was.  
When was the last time he got laid, sheesh.  
There was a bit of a rustling in class, and Vincent kept talking to his sister on the phone. She was going off about some man that she was starting to get feelings for, but Vincent was too high and too horny to really care.  
The woman wasn’t even wearing anything attractive. Just her smile and her cute way of speaking as if you were the most important thing in the world made him weak. And in the room, no one seemed to care about this, what the fuck.  
“Oh! Man sorry I’m late, I needed to get my meds!”  
A tall, gangly looking kid walked in and Vincent felt his lust shoot down to a flat line.  
“And who does that cute voice belong to?” His sister said into his ear, practically cooing. Vincent wanted to say something, but the man interrupted again.  
“Today we have a couple of new students-“  
“He’s not as attractive as you think; he looked like a stringy bean with a mop of hair. It goes down to his waist. I can call him more of a girl than a guy,”  
The man paused talking, his eyes widening behind way too big glasses. He was pretty though, his eye lashes brushing against his lids and his hair shining at how pretty he was.  
“Vincent, you’re talking really loud. Are you sure he doesn’t speak dutch,”  
Vincent was too high to care, honestly.  
“He doesn’t speak dutch, this guy has the thickest Canadian accent since those dudes on the Great White North, I’m fucking fine. He has a sweet ass though, I can tell,”  
Vincent grinned and the Professor blinked away something. He knew that he was just questioning what he was saying, but Vincent didn’t care.  
“Vincent-“  
“Be quiet Rachel, I can’t hear his voice,”  
Vincent was for some reason ignoring the other woman. She was hot and all, but he noticed that this man was a lot… sweeter looking. With pretty eyes, and hair, and for some reason thick hips. But he could tell that underneath his sweater, he was muscular, since his arms were a bit big, and he stood with the stance of a fucking bear.  
Vincent stared at him, waiting for him to keep talking.  
“Along with that young man over there speaking… Dutch?”  
Vincent shook his head, and grinned.  
“He’s cute. I like him… well kind of, he seems like he’d be annoying,”  
The man continued to speak.  
“So, if the…. Three of you could just tell me your names,”  
He stared at Vincent with big blue eyes and Vincent felt his stomach clench. He was pretty.  
“… I… don’t speak English,” Vincent said in accented English, and put his head against his hand. He didn’t wish to speak, he was too high to pay attention, and honestly, he didn’t want him to know who he was.  
The professor knit his brows, staring at him incredulously, and then pulled out a paper from his pocket.  
“Vincent Abrams?”  
“Ja,” He then made a weird motion to the blond, and pointed to himself. The man knit his brows even further, and Vincent gently said,  
“Name, You?”  
“… Williams. Matthew Williams,”  
“Matthew,”  
Vincent tried that name on his tongue, and he grinned at it. It was nice. It was really cute, and sweet and the man in question stiffened.  
“Do not call me that, you will address me as Professor,”  
“Ja, ja, Matthew,”  
Vincent grinned as the man practically fumed, and Vincent laughed into the phone,  
“He’s mad. It’s fucking adorable. He thinks I can’t speak English,”  
His sister laughed on the other side and Vincent chuckled.  
Matthew’s face grew bright red, and he then filled his lungs with air.  
“Alright… I’m going to go off names, alright?”

 

* * *

  
Vincent spent the next couple of weeks making life a living hell for the blond. He disliked the class so much; he just wanted to go home half of the time. He preferred fucking math class over this, but then again he was high half of the time he was here, so maybe that’s why he wasn’t enjoying it.  
He would always come in with food, and talking on the phone, and Matthew was starting to get madder and madder. Sakura had mentioned that she had never seen “Mr. Williams,” so mad.  
First off, Mr. Williams was a pretentious 6’2 canadian asshole. He was obsessed with Van Gogh, and Vincent felt it in his bones that Matthew hated that they both shared the same name.  
He loved this.  
He incredibly loved saying something in shitty English that made Matthew blush red and his eyes widen. Making really bad jokes and having the blond look at him like he was the most disgusting thing on the planet.  
He just loved to fuck with him.  
That is, until he said something out of line.  
Vincent was talking to his sister on the phone, not a surprise, but he actually stopped mid sentence when he saw Matthew walk in looking like absolute death.  
His hair wasn’t put up in a neat ponytail like always, and he had bags under his eyes. Vincent had to actually stop to look at him.  
The woman, who’s name turned out to be Esmeralda, immedietly went to him and took his things. As if this was a common thing.  
“Hey, Vin, is everything alright?”  
“No, the Professor looks like shit,”  
Matthew shot him a glare, but it was soft. As Vincent called him “Professor” instead of Matthew.  
“Hey, guys. Today is a normal day, just continue on your art projects on surrealism,”  
Vincent didn’t even have paper to draw on, so he didn’t really know what to do.  
“What’s wrong?” Rachel’s voice said gently into his ear, and Vincent stared at the blond as he went to his seat.  
“Ah… He’s… I don’t think he’s taking his meds. I’m not sure,”  
Matthew’s face was hiding in a large red jacket and his glasses were tinting as light began to come into the room.  
“Well then, do your work,”  
“I don’t have anything in my bags, all I have is pencils and my math book. My math class was cancelled,”  
There was a silence from Rachel, and then Matthew spoke from across the room,  
“Why do you even come to my class if you don’t have utensils,”  
That made Rachel gasp and Vincent freeze. His eyes were wide, and he almost dropped his phone into the bag.  
“… Did… You know Dutch?”  
Matthew lifted his face from his sweater, and sighed gently. His eyes were a bit hazy, and his tears were in them. Vincent almost physically felt ill at seeing such a bright man he liked to pick on look so pained.  
“I have understood every word you’ve said about me to your sister, you idiot,”  
Vincent’s entire face began to glow red, and Rachel let out an loud and buzzing laugh that ended with snorts and wheezing.  
“I… I’m…,” Vincent’s face turned redder and redder and Matthew’s face suddenly grew a lot happier. He smiled, and then he began to laugh.  
It was chipper, and pretty and high pitched and Vincent found it hard to look at him. The entire class stared as Vincent became smaller, and smaller, and almost disappeared into his desk.  
Matthew, stood up, and pulled out some watercolors and a large canvas. He put them on Vincent’s desk, and stared down at him. Instead of speaking English, the man spoke fluent dutch to him.  
“Come on. Paint for me, Vincent. I know you have talent, I’ve seen you sketching Ms. Esperanza over there-“  
That was actually a lie, Vincent has been sketching out Matthew the entire time, but he was too embarrassed and he was too turned on by how the Professor was so close to him. He could smell coffee and cologne, and he smelled sweet. He smelled like home and Vincent wanted to puke at the sudden emotions he had for the pretty blonde.  
“-And I want to see what you actually can do if you try. Please?”  
His eyes lidded and he got a little closer.  
“For me?”  
Vincent almost whimpered back “Anything for you,” but he was quiet and Matthew grinned at him. The blond took the phone, gently said “I’m sorry, I’m going to hang up on you Rachel. I owe you a drink if you’re ever in the U.S.” and set it down. He turned back to Vincent and grinned.  
“Dankjewel,” Vincent’s green eyes were wide as Matthew poked his nose and winked at him. He pulled back, slipping his thin fingers into his soft blond hair, and tying it up into a ponytail. His eyes were still heavy with sleep, and he still looked like shit, but he was a little better having brutally wasted Vincent.  
The man stared off into space for a second, not noticing some of the girls in the room shoot jealous glares, and even some guys glare openly at Vincent for his ability to get the attention from the Professor.  
Vincent sat up, taking out a pencil and quietly starting to sketch on the canvas that was given to him.  
That was the last time he spoke to his sister in class, and the very last time he brought his math books into this class.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew gets tired of Vincent and maybe things go too far

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS ACTUALLY SO FUN TO WRITE BECAUSE VINCENT GET'S TORN A NEW ONE AND IM LAUGHING

Vincent tried to live past the fact that Matthew had embarrassed him in front of almost 40 other students.  
Vincent tried, but he couldn’t.  
So, he made Matthew’s life a living hell in Dutch.  
When Matthew would start a class, Vincent was already there. His green eyes staring unnervingly at the blond, and following every step. It didn’t deter him, in the beginning. He thought that maybe he was being a little bit of a dick, but then again.  
Matthew was reciprocating every time he made a joke, every time he poked fun at him. Vincent’s blood would boil, and so would Matthew’s, but he always had that shit eating little grin on his face and it drove Vincent to the brink of insanity.  
He fucking hated the guy.  
He stared at him as he talked to the class, slurping some soda that was running on empty and with too much ice, and looked the power point on some latino woman with a full unibrow and a constant thing of drawing herself with monkeys.  
He had no idea who she was, but Vincent already liked her.  
Honestly, he had never fucking interested himself in art. He had always separated himself so much as a kid, seeing as he was always forced to be the adult in the house. His sister had been pampered her entire life, but bless her heart, she was trying to change.  
On the other hand, Vincent had to work and become a man and try to do things that a child shouldn’t do. That’s why his arms were so large and he was so big, he had been worked to the bone.  
When his dad died is when he really got to know himself. He didn’t really think art would be a part of that, but his sister had convinced him to take this.  
He might lower the price on her Christmas presents this year.  
He sighed, bored out of his god damn mind. Matthew was a really elegant speaker, honestly. He wasn’t denying that. But Vincent didn’t like art, so this wasn’t as interesting as it was to Sakura, who was leaning against the table with her eyes practically bulging.  
Dang girl, calm yourself.  
He continued speaking, and Vincent noticed that his pants were riding a bit low on his hips, so he could see a small amount of skin from in between his pants and his sweater.  
He wasn’t wearing a shirt.  
Vincent looked at his, now empty, soda cup, and then noticed ice at the bottom. He grinned wide as the idea popped through his head.  
He shoved his hand through the opening and pulled out ice. For a second, for a mere second, he second thought himself.  
Then he aimed, and threw the ice into the back of the professor’s pants, making it in the first shot.  
Matthew let out a yelp, dramatically doing a jazz routine, and then turning around and holding his backside. His long blond hair flew over his face, covering the entire blush that went from his circular hairline to the top of his collar bone.  
Vincent was laughing so hard, he actually fell over, and continued to guffaw from the floor. His long legs vibrated as he laughed and he was wheezing.  
The room began to laugh along with the man and Matthew was close to saying something, when his watch went off, and dismissed the class.  
He glared at Vincent as he wiped away tears, and he swished his wrist at him.  
“Oh, oh man. You’re lucky your ass is huge, or else it wouldn’t have melted,” Vincent didn’t even make it past that sentence; he was wheezing and coughing into the scarf he used. Matthew was practically glowing red and he glared at him with so much anger.  
He utterly hated him.  
Vincent walked away, carrying his art supplies, and trying to breathe again, still feeling the blue eyes glaring a hole into his sweater.  
“Bye Matthew!” He guffawed again, and the blond stayed in his room, covering his face and cursing in french.

 

* * *

  
Vincent usually listened to music when he was walking to class. It was routine, and he usually did it throughout the entire day. It wasn’t something he second thought anymore, but maybe he should.  
This is how Matthew snuck up on him.  
Matthew was usually always late for the class, and honestly Vincent didn’t care. He was always early because he could have some nap time, or maybe quickly do that days sketch requirements.  
He was not, in any way, expecting…  
Vincent let out a yelp, and jumped at least three feet in the air. He turned around, flicking someone in the face with his scarf, and his legs twisted like a giraffe when it goes to drink water.  
“WHAT THE FUC-“  
Matthew was there, grinning ear to ear.  
“Ah ah, Mr. Abrams. Miss Esmer wouldn’t like that language from you,”  
Vincent, right there, realized two very important things.  
One, Matthew had no idea what his assistants name was. He had heard almost eighty different versions of her name, and honestly Vincent didn’t even know what her name was anymore, he just called her Miss.  
And two… Matthew just grabbed his ass.  
“Is something the matter, Mr. Abrams?” He grinned up at him, the fucker was actually fucking grinning.  
Vincent stared at him so incredulously for so long, Matthew just flipped his hair and walked in front of him. He wasn’t much shorter than Vincent, maybe by two inches, and that pissed Vincent off even more.  
This fucker.

* * *

  
Matthew did not stop this.  
The next day, his leg was sticking out as Vincent walked into the room, almost knowing exactly how early he was and exactly where he was going to fall, because he fell face first into a paint palette.  
Vincent spent the day with fucking green pain on his face. There was anger building up in every pore of his skin and he just wanted to rip out the guy’s throat. It was starting to get annoying, as he had sat in glue, gotten paint on his face, tripped on Matthew (TWICE, MIND YOU) and he could of let it go.  
He could of.  
But then Matthew…  
He knew that Vincent was tired. There were bags under his eyes and he had a cup of coffee in his hand. For the first time in the entirety of 3 months in this class, Vincent actually turned in an assignment. It was a really good piece, Vincent liked it. He was tired, though, as drawing nebulae the entire night was such a hassle.  
So he laid his head down, staring at the painting that was covered, and pressed against the wall, and he closed his eyes and sighed.  
He didn’t know when he slept, but he did know when he felt a sort of warmth hit his crotch. Ha sat up dramatically and looked around him, seeing the entire class stare at him.  
He felt his face turn bright red and then noticed his hand was in something… warm, and he looked down to see a cup used to wash watercolors was underneath his fingers.  
And that he was starting to wet himself.  
He let out a cry, starting to curse in dutch, and he pulled his hand out, holding his crotch and almost wetting himself. He was a 29 year old man, and he was wetting his pants.  
Matthew immediately lost his shit. He fell onto the ground, and began to wheeze, holding his hips.  
“Oh my GOD!” Matthew was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe. The class was starting to giggle, and Vincent turned bright red, and thankfully, he slept up until the first break.  
As soon as the bell rang, he hurried to his car, his face beet red, and his sweater in his hands, hiding the stain in the front of his pants. He stared at the wheel, his face completely apathetic.  
Anger, then burst into his face, and he started his car, going home to change. This wasn’t time for revenge, this was time to talk.

 

* * *

  
When he got back to class, it was already over. He didn’t care. He waited until everyone left, and then stepped into the class, seeing Matthew alone.  
“You’re an asshole,”  
Matthew stood up, not even looking at him. He let out a soft laugh, and turned to Vincent, lifting a brow at his word.  
“Really? Me? Not you?”  
That made Vincent’s blood boil. Him and his pretty face and his little annoying gestures. It was such a buzz kill and it was starting to get onto his nerves. He has no fucking idea why, he just really, really wanted to punch a hole into Matthew’ face.  
“Yes you! You fucking go and try to make me act like a 7 year old who wet himself!” Vincent practically was shaking with anger and Matthew just smirked at him.  
“Says the man who walked into my class not ready, and interrupting me, and saying names to me,”  
That made Vincent shut up. There was so much anger in his face, and he was on the verge of tears at so much anger.  
“Fuck I want to punch you in the fucking face,”  
“Oh, so I’m right?” Matthew laughed a bit forcibly. He glared at Vincent, and then suddenly all the sarcasm he wore was starting to melt. Anger blazed in blue hues and he stepped to Vincent in a span of two steps. Vincent actually back up at how fast he moved.  
“You’ve been making life a living hell for me, how dare you fucking judge me for fighting back. I went through enough shit like this 5 years ago in high school, I don’t need anything like this pushing my anxiety farther now that I’ve got my shit together-“  
Vincent’s eyes widened, and he was about to say something when Matthew put up a thin finger, and glared at the tanner man.  
“-Don’t even try to make fucking excuses, I am speaking to you first, you understand? How dare you come into my class, and expect me to hand you everything, you’re almost thirty!” He pulled back, running his fingers through his hair that was out of his ponytail, and Vincent caught a smell of vanilla.  
Matthew turned away from him and then sighed.  
“You’re a pain in the ass, honestly,” He looked over at the painting against the wall, and glared.  
“But you’re a great fucking artist. I wish I could shove your art down your throat, and kick you out of my class, but god damn it, I’m not going to do that,”  
Vincent was still reregistering getting his ass handed to him, so he was pleasantly surprised to find out Matthew liked his art. Of course, he totally ruined the moment by opening his mouth again.  
“Then fucking kick me out! As if I care! You can take that shitty thing and fuck it, I don’t even care!” Vincent shouted and Matthew turned back at him. His eyes had that look in them again.  
“I am trying to compliment you and keep you in my fucking class!”  
“Who ever fucking said I wanted to be in your class!” Vincent shouted back, getting right into Matthew’s face and staring him down. The man wasn’t smaller than him by much, maybe two or three inches, and that was saying something. Vincent was tall, he was pushing 6’5.  
This guy was a scrawny little twig, how was he as tall as him.  
“You’re a fucking asshole you know that, no one has pissed me off as much as you do!” Matthew pressed against him and Vincent immediately knew that he was wrong about him being scrawny.  
He could practically feel the muscles bulging against his and Matthew was just hiding under large sweaters. That made him hesitate, but not deter him.  
“You could just fucking kick me out instead of mocking me in front of 40 other people, you fucking cunt,” Vincent hissed and Matthew’s glasses fogged at his breath being so close to the glass.  
“I can’t fucking do that, you already fucking paid for the class,”  
“Just TELL ME TO GET OUT,”  
“I CAN’T FUCKING DO THAT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”  
“WHY? WHY CAN’T YOU?”  
Vincent shouted at him and Matthew’s eyes glowed again and Vincent didn’t expect Matthew to roughly grab him and bring him into a heated kiss.  
Vincent was not submissive. With every partner he’s had, he’s always been in control, he’s always started relationships.  
This… was surprising, to say the least.  
Vincent fought back for a minute, then let out a groan as Matthew’s hand pressed against his crotch, and squeeze. That elicited a moan from him, and soon enough he was pressed against the wall, fighting Matthew’s very angry kissing with his own.  
There was no use in trying to fight Matthew; he was a lot stronger than Vincent. He didn’t care, because for the first time in his life, Vincent found it hard to not give in. He let out a high pitched moan, and he looked down at Matthew as he groped his backside.  
“You fucking piss me off,” Matthew growled, biting down on his neck, and making Vincent let out a loud moan. His eyes started to haze, as he felt Matthew’s soft hands trail down his happy trail, and curled through his soft hair.  
Vincent was practically shaking as Matthew touched him. The way he bit as his neck and kissed his jaw. It was insane to think that he hated Matthew.  
“Matt…, Matt, i-“  
“Be quiet, for once,”  
He pressed a hot kiss on his lips, not letting him talking and holding his backside. He rubbed against him like he was a pro at this, and Vincent was practically melting in his hands.  
He whispered something in Vincent’s neck, but he didn’t care. He wanted him to take off his pants, and forget his fucking morals. Matthew was younger than him, and smaller than him, but god damn it, he wanted this.  
Matthew lifted him up, making Vincent wrap his legs around his large hips and set him on his art table. He didn’t even care that there were some paint brushes stuck to his back, and rubbing into him as Matthew began to undo his clothes. Vincent stared up at the ceiling, feeling his face turn bright red and his entire body shiver in anticipation.  
Wow, he’s really, really thirsty.  
Matthew pulled at his pants, and Vincent heard him unzip his own pants. As Matthew spread his legs and pressed their cocks together, he swore he saw fucking lights flash.  
He let out a sharp moan, and grabbed Matthew’s shoulder, throwing his head back and arching a little. Matthew leaned forward, biting down and marking him more.  
Vincent’s eyes rolled into his head, and Matthew gently jerked them, making Vincent let out gentle moans, and soft little groans.  
“Matthew-“ Vincent whimpered, his eyes closing and feeling Matthew thrust against him, groaning above him. He was ready to give into whatever he wanted. He would never bother him again, he would never fucking raise his voice again if he just fucking did something. Made him bend down and fuck him til he couldn’t walk.  
He could feel how big Matthew was, and honestly, it wasn’t even surprising now since he looked at him without his shirt and could see a toned stomach and muscled arms.  
Matthew’s hair was curtaining his and Vincent’s face, not letting him see anything besides blond hair and the man’s pretty face.  
“Come on, say it,” Matthew said to him, pressing a heavy kiss on Vincent’s neck and mouth. He thrusted against him, making a sharp gasp come out of the dutch man.  
“Say what-?”  
“What do you want me to do?” The younger man whispered into his ear, and his eyes fluttered close. He wanted so many things from him, a lot of things. Lots of them including finding some sort of lubricant in this damn office so Vincent could in some way get off.  
He wanted to say it.  
He did. He honestly did.  
He opened his mouth to say it, when a phone rang.  
Immediately, Matthew’s eyes widened, and Vincent’ froze. There was suddenly a realization as to what they were doing, and even though Matthew didn’t move, since he wanted to continue, Vincent threw him off, and stared at him with wide eyes.  
Vincent hurriedly fixed his pants, trying to shove his arousal so it wouldn’t be obvious, and he tightly wrapped his scarf around his neck. He was fighting the urge to vomit, and Matthew grabbed his arm.  
“Hey, wait!”  
“Don’t fucking touch me,” Vincent threw his hands up, his entire face red and looking at Matthews. His hair had fallen over one side of his face, so he couldn’t really see him clearly, but he visibly did look hurt.  
“Vincent, don’t go, we need to-“  
The phone rang again, and while Matthew turned to look for where it was, Vincent bolted. His heart was hammering in his chest, and his legs have never taken him anywhere faster.  
He was just about to have sex with his teacher. He was just about to give something to someone he hated. There were so many fucked up things and a lot of things that were stupid and brash that he did right now, and he could make an entire list. He could write a fifteen page fucking essay on this.  
But he didn’t stay. He didn’t say anything, he didn’t think of anything.  
All he thought about was the hickies left on his neck and the fact that he could smell Matthew’s cologne on his shirt.  
All he thought about was how easy he could give into Matthew, and how quickly he got him to start wanting him.  
He got in his car, and drove away from the school, too numbed down to really care about anything. The bruises on his neck were starting to turn a bit purple, and he could still feel the tingling of Matthew’s hands on his backside. And the way he touched him and the way he kissed him.  
Vincent angrily threw open the door to his apartment, and slammed the door behind him.  
This can’t be happening.  
He had never, in his entire life, wanted someone as much as he wanted Matthew. He never wanted to hurt someone as much as he wanted to hurt Matthew.  
Vincent took in ragged breaths, going through his drawers and finding a blunt. Quickly, he lit it, and tried take a breath, but he failed, and found himself falling into the sofa with the cigarette in his lips.  
“I almost had sex with my professor,”  
Vincent closed his eyes, taking a long, and deep drag from his drug. He then exhaled, and pulled the blunt away from his lips.  
“Fuck,”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent tries to move on from what happened, and he kind of fails. But in a good way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there! So today, there is a different thing in this since i have a beta!  
> Say thanks to my friend Esme!

Once, a long time ago, Vincent didn’t want to go to school. The day before, he had had such a bad fever, and was forced to go to school sick. He had puked all morning and all night, and when he got to school he vomited up everything he ate.  
The teacher just took him to the back, and gently washed his face and put him to sleep. He hated that day, he wanted to hide, he wanted to do a lot of things that day, all involving hiding and crying.  
He felt like that today.  
His thumb ran over his keys, over and over, tracing every part of the metal and making his hands stink up like aluminum. He knew that if he left his house, he would have to face his professor.  
Who he almost had sex with.  
His eyes closed, and he took a deep breath. He was too stingy to just leave the class, and he knew that if he could get past wasting money on a class, that he would get his ass whooped by his sister.  
He was between a rock and a hard place, and honestly, he just wanted out. He wanted to stay home. He wanted to curl up on the bed, and have someone pet him-  
Matthew-  
-that wasn’t Matthew.  
Vincent was being haunted by the blond. In his dreams, when he was fucking awake too. He heard his voice and felt his kisses and…  
Vincent swallowed thickly as he wrapped the scarf tighter around his neck. There were obvious bruises on his throat from Matthew practically making him bleed.  
He put his hands into his pocket, thanking whatever deity was up there that it was cold. No one would ask about his scarf being put up tighter, or the fact that he was wearing a black sweater and hiding his face.  
As he entered the class, he noticed that Matthew was as far away from him as possible. His table had been close to Vincent’s, and now it was closer to the fire exit.  
He would be lying if he said it didn’t hurt.  
He dug his face into his scarf, trying to avoid the side eyed look Matthew gave him as he walked in. He just went to his seat and plopped himself down.  
“Good afternoon class, today we’re learning-“  
Vincent blanked out after this. There was uneasiness in his belly, and he closed and opened his eyes lazily. He wanted to go home and rest, to sleep. But he just stared.  
He didn’t feel like anything. He was apathetic, but then realizing that this was some stupid crush, made him mad. He stared at Matthew as he wrote on the board, glaring and feeling his entire face turn red.  
He was mad at him.  
Matthew was the reason he felt so uneasy. Matthew was the reason he disliked the marks on his neck right now, and Matthew was making his life a living hell.  
He wanted to rip his hair out, to do a lot of things to himself so he could stop feeling uneasy. Because he gave in so fast. Because he let his guard down, and he ended up liking him.  
He ended up having feelings.  
Vincent bit his lip, trying to ignore the feeling of revulsion. He was told that feelings weren’t for boys, and that he should be a man and toughen up.  
Bullshit.  
All he wanted to do was cry and throw things, and this was what he got for repressing things for so long.  
He blinked away tears, as Matthew turned around, and shooed them off. His deep blue eyes met with Vincent’s and a slightly blush crossed his cheeks. His pretty face was something that Vincent wanted to stare at for days, for hours on end. Seeing if his blush could extend to different parts of his body.  
The memory of yesterday was blinked into view, and he swallowed. Matthew’s little grin at him, and how nice he smelled and…  
Vincent stood up rapidly, taking his things and darting out of the class like a scared cat.  
His entire body felt warm as he knew Matthew was staring at him.  
God, he hated his stinginess sometimes.

* * *

  
This was starting to get out of hand.  
There was even more sexual tension than he expected there to be. Matthew was grading him like usual, but he would stare at him in class, and stare at him when he wasn’t looking.  
Stare at him all the time, actually.  
Vincent kept his head down, and made sure that no one noticed what he was drawing half of the time. He’d end up drawing Matthew, honestly, and the class started to notice that there were a lot of things getting awfully weird.  
And then nude portraits came.  
Vincent was about to flip his shit.  
As Matthew spoke about this, he put sticks into the jar, and grinned at the class. He was looking a lot better, his eyes were glittering and he had put his hair up in one of his favorite bandanas.  
“Alright, so I’m going to choose people for this. You do not, in any way, have to do this. You understand? But it would be nice to not sexualize bodies, and…”  
He turned to look at a specific slacker worse off than Vincent. He was pretty cute, but he was a piece of shit. He never did work, but when he did it left Matthew completely stunned.  
Vincent didn’t like him.  
“.. It’s extra credit,”  
The man smirked, and shook his head.  
“I’m up then,”  
He began to pull off his shirt, and two girls beside him scooted away and blushed.  
Matthew’s face also turned red, and he jumped.  
“No! Heracles, oh my god!”  
The man’s body was shaped like a god damn Greek statue, and Vincent had to hold himself back from whistling. He was chiseled and fucking god like, and this man was lazier than he was.  
That bastard.  
Heracles stared at him, then shrugged and put down his sweater.  
“Sorry, sir,”  
He yawned, and want back to their sleeping. Matthew’s entire face was red, and he stared at the floor for a second, trying to compose himself.  
He fanned his face for a minute, and looked up at the class.  
“Well, that was a surprise. Thought he’d look like my old man,”  
A laugh erupted from the class, and Vincent sank in his seat. Jealousy boiled in his stomach, and he rubbed at a bruise at his neck.  
It hadn’t been too long, maybe a week or two, but the marks were still there.  
He stared at Matthew, who didn’t look at him.  
Vincent stared at the sticks in Matthew’s hands and he began to take out names.  
Art, Maxi, Jeannette, Marian, Eliza, and Sakura. Including Heracles, who just harrumphed and went back to napping.  
A little gasp came out from the tiny girl next to Vincent, and she started to shake. Tears filled her eyes and Matthew turned to her. His eyes widened and he stared at her.  
“Everything alright, mon ami?”  
Sakura shook her head, starting to cry gently.  
“I… I don’t… I don’t,”  
Vincent put his hand on her shoulder, and squeezed it as gently as he could.  
“Hey… It’s alright,” He whispered, and patted her head. She started to calm down, and Vincent’s eyes met Matthew’s for the first time in a couple of weeks.  
“I’ll do it,”  
Matthew’s face turned red. And then it began to get redder, and redder, and he squeezed the sticks in his hand, not really moving and his eyes not showing any emotion.  
Big blue eyes flashed to the class, who stared at him confused for a second, and he shook his head.  
“I… Alright,” He whispered, and turned away from him. He rubbed at his cheek, and looked up at the board.  
“Alright then. Heracles, please step up and lay however you want,”  
Heracles listened, finally, and drowsily put himself onto the table. He laid like a cat, and stretched, popping a lot of bones and then melting on the table.  
“… Heracles, you have to get naked,”  
“Usually I get a couple of drinks before that happens,” He winked at Matthew, and the class erupted in laughter. Matthew rolled his eyes, and the man began to undress.  
Vincent had to look away, because Heracles was definitely well endowed in every part of his body, and some guys behind him ‘tsk’ed, and others grinned wickedly.  
He pulled out a sketchbook he had bought, and began a rough guide of the older man, making sure to keep the details correct and not make them too heavy so it didn’t look like he was some badly drawn cartoon.  
In a couple of minutes, the entire class raised their pencils already and Matthew grinned, and kicked the table that Heracles was on.  
“Heracles, get off,”  
The man just slid off, falling on his back for a second and flashing everyone. There was a bubbling of laughter, but all Vincent could do was scoff.  
The rest of it went by quickly, and Vincent found out new things about some of his classmates. One, that Maxi was a trans man, and Eliza, for how tiny she was, had a large dragon tattoo going down her tan skin, and that she had legs like a goddess.  
Matthew suddenly grew quiet. His eyes wandered to Vincent again, and the man stiffened.  
There were scratches on his back, and buckle slashes, and scars from things that he didn’t like to talk about. There were marks on his neck not only from Matthew, but from his father choking him into submission when he didn’t want to work.  
Even though Matthew had had some sort of sex with him, he hadn’t seen things like these.  
He stood up, and descended the stairs. He stopped at the front of the class, staring at him.  
“Is it alright if I light a cigarette?” Vincent said, pulling a pack from his chest, and quirking a brow. This has been the first word that the man has told Matthew for the last three weeks, besides weird noises to assure he was listening.  
“… Sure,” Matthew said, looking at one of the students, and let them open the windows. Vincent had the cigarette on his lips, and he turned to the class.  
He stared at them, not wanting to show them this, but…  
He slid off his sweater, and undid his jacket. As he pulled off his shirt is when he got the gasp.  
From Matthew.  
There were scars on his back, he knew that. From his dad using his crop on him, and he remembered every time he hit him, and what words were used.  
He turned to the class, and they all stared with wide eyes. Vincent kept his cool, undoing his belt and sliding off his pants and boxers in one go. He kicked off his shoes and socks and then turned to Matthew.  
“Pose me,”  
That made Matthew’s eyes stop glazing over and stop staring. The man looked up at him, and he swallowed.  
“Excuse me?”  
Vincent lit his cigarette, and shook out his hair. Matthew’s eyes would not stop roaming up his body, and Vincent smirked at him.  
“I have no fucking idea what to do, pose me,”  
He said, lifting his arms, and Matthew looked away. His face was bright red and he scooted a bit closer. He took his shoulder, and pushed him down.  
Vincent’s eyes widened and he let out a noise that startled some of the students.  
“If you wanted on my knees, professor, could’ve just asked,”  
That cut some of the tension. Matthew stared down at him, and his green eyes were a bit raw. He knew that this wasn’t comfortable for him, and that this was a lot that he was pushing onto the blond.  
Matthew swallowed to see that look in his face. Vincent didn’t want him to see the marks on his back, or the scars, or the long lines on his shoulders from Matthew’s own scratches.  
“Lift up a knee,”  
He did as he was told. Matthew bent down in front of him, taking his face and making Vincent stare at him.  
Their eyes locked for a second, and there were a lot of things that Matthew suddenly understood about him. He smiled gently and took his hand.  
He put it on his knee, and then the other hand propped against the one on the floor. Vincent felt completely, and utterly naked.  
More than he already was.  
He didn’t know, but he had closed his eyes. Matthew’s gentle finger swiped under his cheek and he realized he had begun to cry.  
“You don’t have to do this,” He whispered, and Vincent glared at him.  
“Fuck off,”  
That made him smile, and his hair fell forward, curtaining his face and Vincent felt his chest throb. He could smell that vanilla shampoo and he grinned as he stood up.  
He exhaled his cigarette smoke, and then stayed still.  
In less than ten minutes, they were done. Vincent stood up, trying to prevent the class from seeing his hands shaking. He put on his clothes, and wrapped his scarf tighter around his throat.  
Matthew coughed, and then turned to look at the class.  
“Thank you for that. You do understand that some of those things could be very revealing,”  
He looked at Maxi, grinning wide, and letting Maxi know that he was proud of him. Maxi hadn’t come out to the class, but Vincent didn’t change his mind about him. He was cool.  
Maxi’s eyes were a bit red as well, as he had broken down after he finished changing.  
Matthew turned to the rest of the class.  
“Art is about putting pain, and pleasure, and every human emotion that we have onto a canvas. Into life,”  
He whispered, his eyes growing a little hazy. He smiled and crossed his arms. Small bits of hair started to fall out of his bandana, and his own eyes were a bit raw.  
“Some show us emotions we don’t understand,” He looked Heracles, who snoozed underneath the light.  
“Some…. We wish not to understand,”  
Vincent didn’t look at him. He just felt the tears roll down his face, and Sakura gently rubbed her tiny hand against his. He smiled.  
“… Art is life… Art is emotion… and thank you for showing us, and myself, that,”  
He ended that, and then his phone rang off. There was a somberness hanging over them, and then they all packed up and left.  
Vincent waited as everyone started to go, and he coughed.  
“Are we going to talk about the fact that you’ve been wanting to fuck me for the last couple of weeks, or are we just going to ignore it and have this weird tension again,”  
Vincent said bluntly, making Matthew glare at him.  
“Vincent,”  
“No, I’m being fucking honest,”  
Vincent stared at him, and Matthew huffed. His entire body fell apart, and he leaned against his large chair. Miss wasn’t here today, so they were completely alone.  
“What do you want me to say?”  
Matthew said to him, cocking his head, and staring at Vincent with one of his eyes. His other was curtained and Vincent swallowed uneasiness.  
“… How about we start from the beginning?”  
Vincent said gently, standing up and putting his satchel on. He went to Matthew, staring down at him, and rubbing his arm.  
“Beginning?”  
Matthew’s voice was a little soft, and Vincent looked away from him. He swallowed, and then smiled.  
“…. How does a date sound?”  
There was a silence and Matthew didn’t say anything. Vincent took a deep breath, feeling a bit rejected. He was about to walk away, and then Matthew laughed.  
“… How about Friday? About three hours after class at that coffee place around the corner?”  
Vincent smiled, turning to Matthew and sliding his fingers through his hair. A large scar on his right eyebrow made Matthew wonder what had happened.  
He wondered about a lot of him now.  
“… Sounds like a plan, Matthew,”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent finally gives in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'VE NEVER WRITTEN NEDCAN SMUT  
> LIKE LEGIT SMUT SMUT  
> NEVER  
> SO I'M SORRY  
> And suddenly i realized how sad this is going to be holy shit

Friday came around a lot faster than Vincent expected it to.  
The rest of the week, the students were a lot more… together than Vincent had ever seen them. Maxi was talking to Eliza, and they seemed to be getting a little closer. Eliza with her pretty Spanish eyes and Maxi with his wicked grin that made Vincent hide his wallet.  
He was a little shit, he’s swiped him of some things before.  
There was a sudden closeness with all of them that brought Vincent this sort of warmth to his chest. Even Matthew seemed a little calmer, and a little less stressed out.  
Except, Vincent was freaking out a little, since they were going to be having a date…  
Tomorrow…,  
Vincent was close to hyperventilating, looking up from his seat. He was nervous and wasn’t sure if he was okay with the idea of dating his professor.  
Matthew was quietly putting up the power point, and Vincent had to stare at how weirdly pretty Matthew was. Miss was right beside him, and yes, she was a bombshell, but there was just something about Matthew that drove Vincent to have the dirtiest images of him.  
“Okay, today… we are talking about Vincent Van Gogh,”  
That made Vincent knit his brows, and grow a bit uncomfortable, but that was because of the name. But then again, Matthew looked at the man like he was his pride and joy. Like he was his lover.  
Weird.  
“Vincent Van Gogh is probably one of the most amazing, and most… inspirational voices in the art community,” Matthew said gently, his eyes practically sparkling as he spoke.  
Vincent’s brows knitted more. Matthew was thumbing the ruler in his hand, smiling a little. He took a deep breath, and his eyes shining some more.  
“He went his entire life with depression, not knowing that he was one of the most amazing and lovely painters in this world. That his death was going to be a reason that he was going to be so well known, and such an inspiration to people with illnesses. Like myself…,”  
His blue eyes flickered to the table, and Vincent noticed the small pill bottles on his table. Vincent went through a thought, thinking about Matthew’s love for this man.  
Then it clicked.  
Matthew had depression.  
The blond stared with such wonder at one of the most amazing paintings Vincent had ever seen. A memory of him holding his mother’s hand as they walked through a museum came into his head.  
“Mommy, it’s so pretty,”  
“It is,… isn’t it?”  
His mother had been such a lovely woman, such a nice woman. She was always so sickly, and after she had died, his father had forced him to do a lot of work around the house because… Well, Vincent thought it was because he had his mothers face and eyes.  
“Mommy why are you crying?”  
“It’s just so lovely… he went through so much, my love… Just to have died without not knowing how much he mattered…,”  
He remembered his mothers pills, and how she wouldn’t drink them. How she would spend days alone, and then sometimes forget Vincent.  
His eyes closed, and he put his head in his hands.  
He remembered her funeral, and how her father had broken down so bad that he couldn’t stop sobbing on her casket. Her sister had been so small…  
“Did she do it on purpose?”  
“I don’t think so,”  
“Vincent!”  
His eyes snapped open and Matthew stared at him with an angry gaze. Vincent had realized that he had put himself through a sort of trance and seemed like he fell asleep.  
“I… I’m sorry…”  
Matthew suddenly didn’t look so angry. Vincent wiped his face and shook his head.  
“I… I just remembered… My mom… really loved Starry Night too…,” He looked up at the projection of the picture on the wall, and his eyes softened.  
Matthew stared at him for a second, then blinked as he realized what that meant. He said nothing, turning back to the picture and smiling.  
“I love it very much too..,”

* * *

  
Vincent waited quietly at the coffee shop, rubbing his arm and sighing heavily. There was a lot that he wanted to talk to Matthew about, and there was a lot that he needed to cover with Matthew.  
He grew uncomfortable as the clock struck a bit after 7, and he stared at the coffee that grew cold on his table.  
He had been here early, and there were some waitresses trying to get him to talk, and one even hit on him, but he just grunted, and shooed them off.  
It was seriously nerve wracking just thinking about the blonds staring at him for the next couple of hours, but then again-  
“Sorry I took a bit, Alfred held me up a bit as we bought something for his kid,” Matthew sat down in front of him and Vincent’s throat closed.  
He had all of his hair pinned back in a low tail, but still some strands stuck out. His glasses were extra shiny, or it was just him?  
He wore casual slacks and a nice button up, and Vincent had to slide into his seat and hid his face into the scarf, looking away from Matthew’s intimidating look.  
“Is… is something wrong?” Matthew said gently, leaning a bit forward, and staring at him, and grinning. Vincent laughed, and then noticed the waitresses were looking at him funny.  
“I… Uh, do you want anything?”  
Matthew looked down at the coffee cup that was between them, then back at Vincent. He noticed that he was bright red and that the coffee wasn’t warm anymore.  
“Uhm, Vincent,”  
“Ja?”  
“How long have you been waiting for me?”  
That made him blush harder. He looked at the clock, and then back at Matthew.  
“…. About an hour…,”  
Matthew’s eyes widened and he turned to look at the waitresses, getting a nod and then back at Vincent.  
“Oh, Oh my god, really? I thought I told you at 7, I’m sorry-“  
“No, I know you said seven,”  
Vincent wanted to throw himself into a volcano, he was so embarrassed.  
“I… I was just well. Nervous, and got here really early, and … I’m sorry,” He whispered gently, and then sat up, picking at his nails.  
He knew that Matthew probably thought he was a tool now. He was a grown ass man, he shouldn’t be nervous; he shouldn’t want to suddenly jump out the window.  
Matthew looked at him, his eyes sparkling as his smile extended over his face. He took Vincent’s hand that was tucked into a fist and he was shaking a little.  
Vincent was so nervous. Matthew made him nervous. The mutual anger he had for him turned into attraction and lust, and all he wanted was Matthew to tell him he was okay, and to kiss him.  
When did this happen?  
Maybe it was between the time that they met, seeing Matthew’s face soften when a student brought in their work, and showed it to Matthew. And how they were nervous and close to crying, because whatever they did was something bared to someone they barely knew.  
And how Matthew squeezed their shoulder, and pet them, keeping them safe with his soft gaze.  
Maybe it was those times where Matthew would lose himself as he presented a new artist, and showed him sides of him that Vincent wouldn’t be able to understand unless they spoke until four a.m. and slept in each other’s arms.  
Vincent’s fingers threaded through Matthew’s and he took a deep breath, smiling a timid smile. Matthew grinned at that, unused to the man’s show of affection.  
“You have a nice smile,”  
“You have a nice ass,”  
Matthew’s face fell, and Vincent began to laugh.  
Matthew grinned, leaning over the small table, and pressing a soft kiss on the man’s lips. Vincent’s eyes widened and Matthew pulled back, his face burning. Freckles dusted his cheeks and the dutch man let out a whisper of “no, wait,” and pulled him back, kissing him a little harder.  
Matthew laughed, and Vincent felt his chest swell.  
“Already wanting to get out of here?” Matthew said gently, cocking his head and making some random strands brush his lips. Vincent swallowed thickly, and the woman came to them with their drinks.  
Vincent felt his face turn bright red as he took his food and began to eat.  
“How about we talk for a bit?”

* * *

  
Matthew turned out to be more of a fucking sweetheart once you got to know him. Vincent was practically tripping into the man’s bed already, ready to get screwed into a next life.  
“So..,” Vincent stared at Matthew as he took out his keys and he fidgeted. Matthew was silent, with a small blush starting to form on his cheeks.  
“You know… I hadn’t seen those scars when we…,” Matthew turned to him, and swallowed down a lump. Vincent stared at him, his green eyes illuminated by the moon that was starting to glow a bit brighter.  
“… And why’s that?”  
Matthew grew uncomfortable. His hair was curtained over his face, and he pulled at the tips of it, making Vincent smell vanilla again.  
Somehow, the man’s safety blanket was his hair. The way it became an immediate thing to touch when nervous, or sad, or in any sort of emotion that was stressing.  
“I… was looking at your face the entire time. You look better when you’re not mad,” Matthew whispered and the door to his house opened.  
Vincent stared at the dark of his home, but didn’t find himself scared of going in. As if Matthew’s home was inviting.  
It smelled like a fire place, and cookies, and he felt as if he was always invited in. He looked into Matthew’s blue eyes and he smiled at him.  
“I am allowed in, right?”  
Matthew’s smile grew into a smirk and he stood on his tip toes, and pressed a kiss to his lips. Instead of it being soft and sweet, it became needy and full of lust. Vincent practically melted as he did that, pulling Matthew closer to him.  
He was a lot smaller than him, but his muscles rippled as he moved and Vincent knew that he wasn’t getting out of Matthew’s house without a limp.  
Matthew knew this. He knew that Vincent was starting to bend to him, to make sure he was closer to him and giving in. There was something about Matthew that went against Vincent’s constant need to have power.  
“Bed?” Matthew whispered as he pulled back, taking in a breathy sigh on his lips and his fingers tangled in Vincent’s hair, the locks starting to fall over his bright emerald eyes.  
The man smiled at that, pulling in Matthew and closing the door. He turned to the house, smiling at the cute little house.  
Comfortable.  
He was about to say something when strong arms wrapped around his middle and he felt Matthew’s hands slid into his pants and start to unbutton his pants. Vincent shuddered, pulling off his scarf and taking off his shirt.  
Matthew grinned, turning him around, and kissing him a bit harshly, and pulling away with a nip at his lip.  
“Vinny,” He whispered and Vincent’s eyes widened at the nickname. He’d never been called that before, and suddenly the nickname made him shift and try to move his dick a bit as it started to get uncomfortable.  
Matthew took his hand, dragging him to the end of the hall, and opening the door to a comfortable bedroom. The pillows were pushed on the ground, and it looked like the bed hadn’t been made ever.  
But it smelled like incense and it was clean (besides the bed itself) and it felt like home to Vincent. He was pushed onto a soft linen and he let out a grunt. He pulled off his pants, and boxers, seeing Matthew fight with his clothes. He pulled out his hair from his pony tail, letting his blond locks fall onto his soft, and muscled chest.  
When… did he take off his shirt?  
Vincent didn’t care, staring at the ceiling and hoping that the blush that was on his face wasn’t going to his chest and other extremities.  
Matthew leaned forward and put his hands beside Vincent’s face.  
“… Are you sure you want me to top, you look a bit nervous…,” He said gently, his brows knitting and staring at him. Long hair tickled Vincent’s face and he took a deep breath.  
He should probably be telling Matthew that he’s never actually bottomed, and that this would be more than a pain in the ass (no pun intended) but more a mental pain in the ass.  
Vincent’s brow twitched and he gave Matthew a small smile.  
“Just fucking lube yourself up,”  
Matthew grinned and then moved down, wrapping his fingers around Vincent’s cock and grinning at him.  
“Not as small as I remembered,”  
“Hey!” Vincent growled, then let out a moan as Matthew began to run his hands up and down. He knew what he was doing, as he was feeling precum start to drip out of his cock.  
Vincent let out a moan, and held Matthew’s long hair, gripping it and tugging. Matthew let out a laugh, and leaned forward, pressing his lips around the tip, and gently sliding it into his mouth.  
That just sent more heat up Vincent’s back. He bit his lip, his eyes closing and fisting Matthew’s hair as he bobbed his head.  
“God, Matthew…,” he whispered, and groaned as the younger man sucked him harshly, making sure to have him completely hard in his hands.  
Matthew pulled away, making Vincent let out an angry groan.  
“Fuck, I’m not done,”  
He whispered gently, as Matthew pulled up his legs to his waist and made Vincent wrap his legs around him. He squeezed lubricant onto his fingers and lubed his cock up, and pressed against Vincent’s entrance.  
The dutch man let out a weird noise, and his eyes opened, showing Matthew the sudden nerves Vincent got.  
“You alright?”  
He said nothing, shimmying against his cock and growling.  
“Come on, Matthew, move,” He whispered angrily, and shimmied against him, making Matthew’s nails dig into his hips and Vincent to moan.  
Matthew obliged, pressing into him and making Vincent stiffen. His eyes closed and he gripped the sheets, groaning gently.  
“Matt..,” he whispered, and the blond grinned at him. Then he knitted his brows as he noticed Vincent’s legs were a lot leaner and stronger than his, and of course that he was at least a good three inches taller than him.  
That made the position a bit weird, But Matthew set himself on his bed, and pressed deeper into Vincent, making him gasp.  
“SHIT!”  
“Hold up, I’m moving so I can screw you,”  
Vincent glared, then let out another moan.  
“Oh, fuck,” His eyes closed and he spread his legs a little more, making Matthew laugh as he put his feet against the bottom board.  
Vincent’s legs slightly fell off of the base board, and Matthew knew that the way they were going to have sex was a bit laughable, but then again.  
He looked up to see Vincent’s eyes closed and his cheeks tinged red. He was taking heavy breaths, and as Matthew didn’t move or say anything, his eyes opened and stared into Matthew’s bright blue eyes.  
“…. What?”  
Matthew grinned at him, kissing him and gently pushing against the board for leverage. Vincent let out a gasp, and then moaned loudly, wrapping his slim legs around Matthew’s body.  
Tightening them a little too hard, Matthew growled and pushed deeper into him, eliciting another moan from him. His arms wrapped around his shoulders and he held him tight, groaning in his ear as he kept moving.  
“Matthew, fuck, move faster,” He growled at him, thrusting back against him. Matthew’s teeth sank into Vincent’s neck, marking him over long erased marks. He was allowed this time, this time Vincent wanted them.  
Matthew’s breath was heavy over his face, kissing him and running his fingers through hair that fell over green eyes. Vincent was just kissing him back, gripping his long locks, and tracing the man’s face at every movement and every hitch.  
He pressed his head into Vincent’s neck, groaning, and whispering in French. Vincent found that hot, of course, and reciprocated with cursing in dutch.  
There was a flurry of different languages and movements, and Matthew’s hands running up Vincent’s toned stomach. It was a mixture of pent up lust, and weirdly new emotions on both ends. It was a mixture of a lot of things, and some where hard to explain.  
Vincent just closed his eyes, enjoying Matthew as he thrusted into him, and kept up a pace to keep him on his toes. That being said, his toes began to curl and his breaths hitched.  
Matthew started to go a little faster, seeing as his nails began to dig into skin, and his bites became deeper and a lot more needy. Vincent let out a growl as he began to brush against something, when he let out a shout and threw his head back.  
“Fuck! Matthew!” He whined, arching his back and feeling the blond reach down and began to gently tug at his swollen cock.  
“Almost?” Matthew whispered in that voice of his, making Vincent want to kick him at how smug he sounded. He knew that he loved how his hips moved against him.  
Suddenly, Matthew moved a lot harder against him, groaning every time he moved. Vincent squeezed back, trying to get him to finish first, when Matthew pressed against something.  
“Matthew!” Vincent screamed as he pressed against his prostate, making him squeeze down on the blond and in turn making him finish inside of him. Vincent let out a shout as he was still shaking from his own orgasm, and shuddered.  
His breathing was heavy and awkward, and Matthew pressed kisses all over his face and neck and everywhere he could.  
There was a heavy silence between them, only occasionally broken by Vincent’s labored breathing. Matthew was against Vincent’s chest, tracing scars there, and memorizing every one he had.  
Right now, he didn’t know much about him. There were stories that he was hiding underneath bright green eyes and a heavy coat. There were things that Matthew was hiding from Vincent too.  
Then again, they had only known each other for the entirety of half a year.  
Matthew said nothing, instead threading his fingers through Vincent’s and sighing heavily. His eyes closed and he dug his face into his soft chest, humming softly.  
Vincent shifted a bit, trying to get Matthew out of his ass before he could sleep. He managed to do it, but before he could make a joke about it, Matthew was already asleep.  
“Really?”  
He whined, and put his head back. He gently tugged at the sheet that had fallen off as Matthew fucked him numb, and covered them. Matthew only rubbed his face against Vincent’s and sniffed.  
It didn’t take long for him to follow.

* * *

  
Matthew heard some rustling beside him, but he hadn’t opened his eyes. It involved another language, and of course he was confused about why he felt like someone had scratched up his back.  
He knit his brows, hearing more movements, and he opened his eyes to see Vincent dressing himself quickly. He limped a little, holding his hip and cursing a bit.  
“Ja… Ja, I heard you,”  
He said quickly into the phone, and Matthew was confused. But Vincent turned to him, and suddenly he grew worried. There was a look on his face that made him sit up and stare at him.  
“What’s wrong?”  
Vincent’s eyes were wide and he swallowed. He sat on the bed, wincing at the sting and then turned to Matthew, and put the phone to his cheek as not to let the other person hear.  
“… Rachel is sick..,”  
Matthew knit his brows, and cocked his head. Vincent shook his head, and then pointed.  
“This is my brother. She… She passed out, and she’s been hospitalized,”  
Matthew sat up and slid himself in-between his arms, hugging him tight. Vincent was quiet, gently rubbing his arm up and down Matthew’s arm.  
“It’s almost winter break… Are you going back right now?”  
“Yeah..,”  
“… I will buy a ticket for the first day of break, and be in Netherlands when class ends…”  
The man stared at the ground, tears starting to drip down his face. He shook his head, gripping the phone and beginning to cry.  
“She’s really not okay Matthew,”  
Matthew didn’t say anything, instead held the man and rubbed his hand up and down his back. It wasn’t the best way to start the morning after sex, but…  
“When’s your flight?”  
“… At three. It’s six right now,”  
Matthew tugged him into bed, gently wrapping himself around him, even though he was naked, and Vincent was fully dressed. He let him dig his face into his neck and begin to cry.  
All he could do right now was hold him.  
“It’s alright Vinny… everything is alright..,”  
Matthew wasn’t exactly sure… But he could pretend for him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew goes to see Vincent, and discovers his family is better than he expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GET READY FOR SOME ANGST

It was hard to remember what it felt like to feel alone. Matthew had gone such a long time with the idea of Vincent being there, no matter what was going on around them.  
It was only six months, he shouldn’t feel so anxious about him not being there. And it was only a week that he was going to be without him.  
But still.  
Two days until he went to Netherlands. To be honest, he was a mixture of excited and wary of going there, being as he had never travelled before. Also, Vincent’s sister was sick, so.  
He stared at his phone, tapping his fingers against the screen and sighing. He ran his fingers through long hair, pulling out a comb, and starting to brush it out.  
He took pride in his hair. It was something that he had been growing out since he moved out of his home, and making himself into a new person. He loved it, he took care of it.  
There was a loud ringing from his phone, and he looked at the screen. Alfred’s face with his little boy was grinning at him, and he slid the screen open, and putting it on speaker.  
“Hey Alfred!”  
“Mattie!! Hello!” There was a laugh, and Alfred’s chipper of a voice echoed in his empty room. Matthew smiled, his eyes softening at the sound of his brother’s voice.  
After Matthew moved out of his home, Alfred had tried so hard to be with him. He loved him so much, and cared about him, and Matthew adored his brother for this.  
“Hey Alfred. You and Gilbert coming over before I leave?”  
“Yes! We have some stuff for you before your trip!”  
“Is it lubricant and a dildo,”  
There was a rustling and Matthew could hear Alfred making a face as he caught.  
“Yes…,”  
“… Alfred I have a boyfriend,”  
The sudden scream at the other end of the line made Matthew turn over the phone a little, and wait until Alfred finished cursing.  
“WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME!?”  
Matthew rolled his eyes, knowing that his brother would have freaked out the same, no matter when he told him. And anyway, he had a right to keep at least some things from his brother.  
“We just started dating,”  
“Did you guys already have sex? I can hear it in your voice, oh my GOD Matthew, you are such a fox,”  
Matthew was a little proud of that, seeing as he was pretty attractive. He had gotten many men in his bed, and it had been a natural gift to sweet talk the ladies. Either sex was attracted to him, being as he was masculine and feminine enough to reach out to both of them.  
“That’s none of your business,”  
“Oh, come on. I told you when I had had sex with Gilbert!”  
Matthew grew uncomfortable at that. He and Gilbert had gone on one or two dates before he found out that he was the wrong brother for him.  
“Well, you’re right about that,”  
“So, tell me, Who’s the lucky person?” Alfred’s voice was chipper, and he heard his nephew letting out squeaks and whining as he realized that his uncle was on the phone.  
“His name is Vincent, and he’s a student of mine,”  
“A student? Oho, dirty, dirty,”  
Alfred hummed into the phone, and pat little Friedrich on the head. He cooed and bit down on his hand, as he was starting to teeth.  
“Just don’t tell the faculty members,” Matthew laughed, and leaned back in his seat.  
“Is… he the person you’re going with to Holland?”  
Matthew’s face fell a little and he sighed.  
“Yeah… I am,”  
“Is his sister that unwell?”  
“Yeah..,”  
Friedrich let out a loud squeak and laughed at the awkward silence. Matthew sighed heavily.  
“Are you going to see me out to the airplane on Friday?”  
“Yeah. You know me and Gilbert will,”  
Matthew smiled at that, as he was very nervous about going somewhere for someone he barely knew.  
“Bring Freddie with you,”  
“Unc!”  
“I love you too Freddie,”

* * *

  
Matthew packed all of his things, seeing Gilbert leaning against the doorway and holding a sleeping Freddie. His red/blue eyes stared at the blond and he smiled.  
“All for this man?”  
Matthew glared at him, as Gilbert gently slid his hand up and down his sons back. He adored his tiny little son and then he snorted.  
“You jumped through hoops to get him for Alfred,” Matthew said , pointing at the baby,who rustled and frowned. As if he knew they were talking about him.  
That made Gilbert shake his head.  
“You’re right,” he whispered, and cupped the small child so he laid on his back in his arms. He wriggled and then held onto Gilbert tight, yawning and digging his face into his shirt.  
“I’d do anything for Alfred… So I understand,”  
Matthew walked out to the car with his luggage. He felt his stomach flip and his chest ache. For the entire week, Matthew had missed Vincent more than anything.  
He nervously pulled at his hair, breathing heavily and sliding into the shotgun. Gilbert slid in the back and Alfred slid in the driver’s seat, smiling at his husband as he put the baby in the car seat.  
“So, you ready to visit Holland?”  
“Not really,”  
“It’s a nice place,” Gilbert said gently, interrupting the two brothers. He grinned at them.  
“Before I moved here, I backpacked through Europe for a year or two. It was nice,”  
Matthew was reassured by this, but the nerves didn’t go down. There was some sort of pain in his gut, as if it was telling him not to go.  
Weird.  
-  
Alfred and Gilbert waved at him as he boarded the plane, and he waved back. Freddie was still sound asleep, but Matthew made sure to give him a kiss before he left.  
The plane ride was such a hassle. He hated it so much, he slept half through it and honestly he just wanted to go and hold Vincent and tell him that everything was okay.  
What was wrong with him?  
He practically dragged himself off of the plane, glaring holes at the ground and keeping his hair out. He was too nervous to stop pulling at his hair, and honestly he just wanted to comb it out. Or have someone comb it out.  
He heard someone talking beside him, and he was about to ignore it, when he heard his name.  
“Hi, are you Matthew Williams,”  
He looked up, putting on his glasses, and squinting at a teen with his hair flipped to his right eye. The woman he spoke to smacked at him, yelling at him in French and harrumphing and walking away.  
Matthew walked to him, looking down at the boy, and flipping his hair out of his face.  
“I’m Matthew Williams. Who are you?” He said and the man arched back, his eyes (or eye, in this case) widening.  
“I… I was expecting someone… a lot smaller?”  
Matthew smirked at him, and the man blushed red. He coughed into his hand, and then stuck out his hand.  
“I am Simon. I am the younger brother to Vincent, it’s a pleasure to meet you,”  
Matthew took his hand, and shook it, seeing the boy wince and then gasp, pulling his hand back. But then recomposed himself and stood up straight. His smile was gentle and Matthew chose this time to start to pull back his hair, sliding it up into a high tail, and seeing Simon’s eyes widen.  
“Woah, brother was right. You are beautiful,”  
Matthew made a face, and Simon then burst into a small laugh. He covered his mouth and apologized for his laughter.  
“He has said things about me?” He said, fixing his hair and standing up straight. He fixed his straps on his backpack and Simon nudged him toward a car.  
“He has talked about you nonstop for the last week,” the boy paused, as if he caught himself saying something rude and thought against it,  
Matthew smiled at him, and then noticed a small girl in the front of the car. She was obviously pregnant, with a cute little ribbon in her hair, and her fingers tugging at it as she stared into the mirror.  
“This is my wife, Lilli,”  
Wife?  
“Aren’t you… like 16, or something?” Matthew said as he slid into the back of the car. The couple looked obviously young, as Lilli still looked innocent and sweet, and so did Simon.  
Simon then laughed gently, and started the car.  
“I’m 24. And Lilli is 23,” Simon smiled at her, gently rubbing his hand over her belly. She smiled, taking his hand and holding it.  
“We get that a lot, though. I understand,” Lilli smiled at him through the glass, and Matthew felt his face tinge slightly.  
“Vincent was right about the pretty thing,”  
Lilli said to Simon, who laughed again. He seemed to appear like a polite young man, not laughing too loud or making anything that sounded too rude.  
“I have told him that already,”  
Lilli smiled, and then looked up at Matthew.  
“Ever been to Netherlands, Matthew?” She said gently, as she noticed Matthew’s staring towards the countryside. He shook his head, taking in the beautiful scenery and smiling at the houses and outline of another place he didn’t know.  
He smiled bright at the car window.  
“I have never been..,” He whispered, leaning against the window and fogging the glass.

* * *

  
Simon took his bags to the guest room, and Matthew was turning around and looking for Vincent. Lilli laughed at him as he bounced at every sound around the room, and tried to find his boyfriend.  
“He went to get some errands for Rachel,”  
That reminded him. He had a present for her.  
Lilli was about to pick something up, but then Matthew did it for her and tsked.  
“Please don’t. You are pregnant,”  
The girl huffed, and took the bag that Matthew had.  
“I am a strong girl,” Matthew blushed as she stomped away and Simon smiled at Matthew.  
“She is very strong..”  
Simon walked to Matthew and handed him the bottle. For some reason he knew that he might needed that. Maybe Rachel had talked about him and his first conversation with Rachel.  
“But still, I worry,”  
The blond stared at the ground, his green eyes glittering slightly. At that moment, Simon suddenly looked a lot older than he seemed. Whatever he was thinking, it was growing under his skin like a virus.  
“… She is strong… But the baby is pushing her boundaries,”  
“What do you mean?”  
“She was very sick as a child. They had told her that if she did have a child, it would take a lot of suffering and carefulness, as she’s so frail still. I try so hard to keep her from doing heavy lifting and hell she even quit her job,”  
Matthew stared at the man as he crossed the living room, as Matthew had taken residence on his sofa.  
“… I try so hard to protect her, she’s growing a little detached,”  
That was weird to say, as Lilli looked like she completely adored him. Then again, Matthew was dense at times.  
“You’re worried something might happen out of your control?”  
Simon shook his head, wiping away his tears. Matthew stood up, walking to him and wrapping his arms around him. Simon of course stiffened, and Matthew felt uncomfortable doing it, but he seemed liked he needed a hug.  
“… Can… Can you stop,”  
Matthew pulled away, feeling his face turn bright red.  
“I’m sorry,”  
Simon laughed and pat his head, then pulling his hand away. His eyes were wide and his face turned a little red.  
Okay, so maybe taking gym for three years nonstop in high school was a bad idea. Then again, he had amazing abs, so Simon could suck it.  
The door opened and Matthew turned to it, his eyes lighting up as he saw Vincent walk through the door. For a split second, their eyes locked and the electricity in the room shot up.  
Matthew’s face beamed and his smile went to a full grin. Vincent’s face blushed red and with quick steps crossed the room and took Matthew into a tight and warm hug.  
He dug his face into his hair, and Matthew did the same, holding onto him and stepping on his tip toes. His fingers dug into his sweater, and his hands shook a little.  
There was so much emotion for someone he used to hate. It made him want to puke. It made him want to do a lot of things, but mostly, he just wanted to hold Vincent.  
“I missed you,” Vincent murmured in his ear, putting him down and kissing him. Matthew pulled him in close, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him back harder.  
They were stuck together for a little bit, when there was a clearing of someone’s throat and Matthew then remembered that they weren’t along.  
Fuck.  
Matthew pulled away and felt his face turn completely red. Simon smiled at them and Vincent glared at his brother, holding Matthew to his chest, and growling.  
“You can’t ever let me have anything,”  
Matthew closed his eyes, taking in Vincent’s cologne, and his heartbeat. He had missed even looking at him, and he missed him as much as Matthew missed him.  
The skipping in his chest was a good thing, right?  
“I missed you too,” Matthew whispered, digging his face into his scarf and gripping his sweater. Vincent grinned and kissed his head, giving him another squeeze and then pulling back.  
“I want you to meet someone,” He said gently and moved over, letting a smaller woman with big green eyes smile at him. She had pouty, cute lips and she blink at him.  
“You must be Matthew! Vincent was not joking when he said that you are very pretty,”  
Matthew’s face turned red and he turned to Vincent, who was looking away from him.  
“I have heard that from all of your siblings and Lilli, have you been bugging them about me?”  
He coughed into his hand, not saying anything. Matthew rolled his eyes, then turned to Rachel, going over to her, and hugging her tight. She smiled wide and then kissed his cheek.  
“Thank you for not beating the shit out of my brother for being an annoying asshole in your class,”  
Matthew then felt his eyes widen and his face turn beet red. He tried to make himself smile, but it kept falling, as he remembered what he did to Vincent.  
“I… Well… Let’s just say he made it up to me,”  
Matthew smirked, and Vincent choked on air, turning away and going to sit angrily in a chair. Rachel stared at them confused, but said nothing.  
“Oh! I have something for you,” Matthew said gently, going to the table and pulling a bottle to her.  
She knit her brows, and Matthew smiled wide at her.  
“I said I owed you a drink. We’re not in the states, but eh, close enough,” He shrugged and Simon came over with some flutes, holding them as Matthew served them wine.  
“Well, thank you, Matthew,” Rachel smiled wide at him, going on her tip toes and kissing his cheek. He grinned wide, feeling a blush set on his cheeks.  
“We can celebrate for getting those tests done,” Vincent said, appearing behind Matthew and kissing his head.  
Rachel smiled wide at that, sipping on her drink and kissing Matthew again.  
Matthew blushed, and looked up at Vincent who was smiling at her.  
“To you getting a clean screening,”  
“Cheers!”

* * *

  
“Your family seems sweet,” Matthew said gently, pressed up against Vincent. They sat in the outside patio, Vincent sighing heavily and petting a small bunny in his lap. It’s nose twitched and moved and it looked incredibly comfortable in his lap.  
“We are a lot nicer now that our parents are gone,” Vincent said gently, remembering how Rachel would never even look at him and Simon was too scared to even look at Vincent. He went through a lot of crap from his parents, and that probably affected them more than him.  
Matthew smiled gently, taking his hand and running his fingers up and down the scars littering his large hands. He sighed happily then turned to Vincent.  
“I like them,”  
He smiled at that, and Matthew loved seeing that little twitch of his when he smiled. He cupped his face and kissed him, smiling wide.  
“You talked about me to them?”  
“Of course I did. I do like you, you know,”  
Matthew nudged his face against Vincent’s arm, staring at the small patio. Bunnies hopped along the backyard, and he smiled wide.  
“Bunnies?”  
“… I really like Bunnies,”  
-  
Matthew was asleep on the sofa, starting to feel the effects of flying. His head was dizzy, and all he wanted to do was sleep.  
Vincent was still petting the bunny, who seemed to enjoy him a lot. It nudged against his hand when he stopped his touches and Matthew smiled at it.  
It was quiet, and nice. He felt unwell, but it was so calming to be in Vincent’s presence again.  
He was about to say something, when Rachel’s phone rang from the other side of the house.  
“Simon!”  
Silence.  
“Simon! Can you please get that, I’m helping Lilli,”  
A flash of blond and blue crossed Matthew’s vision and he snorted as Simon listened to his sister so well. Sometimes he wished that Alfred did that, but he would never listen to anyone besides Gilbert.  
There was calm in the house hold, and there was a flurried talk from Simon.  
Matthew then felt uneasy. His stomach turned again, and he knit his brows. Maybe his sickness got worse, but then Simon came in with the most devastated look on his face.  
Vincent’s eyes widened at that and he sat up quickly, clutching the bunny in his arms. The bunny stayed still, it’s beady eyes wide and it’s ears perked up.  
Rachel came in, wiping her hands on her skirt and smiling wide. As soon as she saw Simon’s face, her face fell, and she swallowed.  
“… Simon?”  
Simon’s eyes filled with tears, and he pushed his bangs back. He looked Rachel in the eye and took a deep breath.  
Matthew, for the first time in his life, felt even worse than the lowest low he’s hit with his depression.  
“Rachel…”  
The woman looked at Simon, tears filling her eyes. Her hands were shaking and the entire family looked at Simon as he tried to swallow pain, and tried his best not to break down.  
"Is... What did the doctor say?"  
Simon began to cry, and through tears, he said in the most broken hearted voice-  
“Rachel, you have cancer..,”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew gives up more than he has, but that's okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is starting to get depressing.

Matthew didn’t sleep that night, or any other night after.  
He was staring at the ceiling, his hair untied and naked. Vincent lay beside him, and Matthew could hear him whimper in his sleep. They had had sex, but mostly Vincent bit and squeezed him, trying to distract himself from his reality.  
There were noises again, and Matthew pulled Vincent into his arms, and he saw him open his eyes. They glittered with tears and Matthew found it hard to look at him.  
“You alright?”  
He said nothing.  
It wasn’t a surprise that Vincent didn’t want to talk about the searing pain in his chest at the idea of losing his sister. Or the fact that all he wanted to do right now was run to the nearest store and drink the entire place.  
It wasn’t, honestly.  
“I’m not,” He hissed through gritted teeth, and Matthew felt his throat swell. He knew very little about the family, but he did know that Rachel, Simon and Vincent barely even started talking to each other. Years of living in a home where their older brother was an outlet destroyed them from the outside in.  
Things barely started to stitch over. Things barely started to get better.  
Matthew stared at the ceiling, remembering a time when he didn’t have Alfred. When he was alone, and when he wished that he’d had followed his parents’ wishes and married that girl right out of high school. Not chosen an art major, and god forbid, live a promiscuous life.  
“It’s okay not to be okay, you know that?”  
“I do,”  
“… Are you sure about that?”  
Matthew whispered to him, and then turned to him, his eyes briefly covered for a second as his fringe was drifting over bright blue eyes. Vincent’s own stared into them and he swallowed. He dug his face into Matthew’s shoulder and took a deep breath.  
It was quiet again.  
Matthew didn’t sleep.

* * *

  
Rachel was sitting on the sofa after another take of chemo. She looked ill, and of course, Matthew gravitated to her and laid his head in her lap.  
He stared up at her, his hair untied, laid down his shoulders and he smiled up at her.  
She smiled at him, and kissed his head.  
“Thank you,”  
“For?”  
“For being here,”  
Matthew shrugged, as was spending his entire time here. It was relaxing, though, as Vincent spent his entire time kissing him and having sex.  
And Rachel’s food was amazing. So it wasn’t a hassle.  
“I’m sorry that you’re sick,”  
“It.. I should’ve known. It runs in my dad’s family,” She laughed, and scratched her head, her eyes widening a little as she pulled out a handful of hair.  
Tears filled her eyes and she took a deep breath.  
Matthew felt his heart drop, as Rachel looked so heartbroken. There were a lot of things he could have said at the moment, but then a light bulb went off.  
Quickly, he stood up, and brushed up his hair into a pony tail, going over to the bathroom and rummaging through the drawers.  
As he did, Simon, Rachel and Lilli all came to the bathroom, staring at him as he found a pair of scissors and held them in front of the mirror.  
He swallowed, staring at the long locks and pinching them.  
Was he really doing this?  
He remembered Vincent touching his hair and pressing it against his lips. Or little Freddie as he giggled and pulled on them, digging his face into it and laughing.  
Or how his mother’s curls were stuck in there, as the bounced when he dried his hair.  
“Matthew?”  
Matthew’s eyes filled with tears as he pulled it back straight, and then hacked at it, feeling his heart break with every snip.  
Simon let out a gasp, and Rachel stared with wide eyes as Matthew cut his hair.  
Snip, snip, snip,  
Matthew’s face was red and tears rolled down his cheeks. His chest was aching and his hands weren’t able to stay still. He pull back the hair, seeing it lie on his finger times.  
Perfect cut.  
His hair was now up to his ears, and he looked up into the mirror, seeing a completely different person staring back at him. He wanted it shorter, so he’d hack at it in a bit. But he really noticed was his eyes were glittering with tears and he looked like he had been punched.  
He turned to Rachel, and handed her the long ponytail. His hands were still shaking, but he smiled at her.  
“There,”  
Before they could say anything he pulled back, closed the door and locked it. He sat down on the floor, and began to cry quietly.  
For some reason, he felt like shit. Like absolute, and utter shit. He couldn’t breath as he began to sob, holding the scissors as if they were the only anchor right now. HE couldn’t see anything, so he had to take off his glasses to be able to wipe away the water that was now flooding down his face.  
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, he wasn’t strong enough for this.  
He stood up, his legs wobbling and he stared into the mirror. He riffled through the drawers again, finding a small bag and putting it in the drain to catch any of his locks.  
And he began to hack at his hair again.  
As he made them shorter, and shorter, he had found a hair machine, wondering why that was there. Maybe their father was a clean shaven man.  
No matter.  
He wasn’t really thinking as he straightened his bangs and his sideburns and everything around, even the back part of his head.  
He’d never noticed how sharp his face was, honestly.  
After he was done, he pulled some shampoo out and began to wash his hair, the feeling of skin at his nape alien to him.  
He hadn’t stopped crying the entire time.  
He turned off the dryer, staring at himself in the mirror. He looked…  
Okay.  
He really did look okay.  
His cheek bones were nice. He hadn’t seen them in years.  
Honestly, he hadn’t seen himself in years.  
Swallowing, he wiped his face again and cleaned up anything that he made a mess of. There wasn’t any piece of evidence of his hacking, or his little emotional break.  
He remembered he had a pill in his back pocket, and pulled it out, swallowing it and hoping that he would be able to sleep at night today. Nothing this drastic had happened to him in years, and if anything happened he could swing into depression all over again.  
Fuck.  
There had been knocking the first hour or two he was in there, and he had ignore any other, and was going to ignore the next one.  
“… Matthew?”  
The feeling of absolute dread went through his body quickly. It turned into panic, then anger, then he doesn’t know what.  
“What is it,”  
Shit, his voice sounded awful. He’d been crying for almost three hours, now that he checked his watch. Man, he just wanted to make Rachel feel better, now he think he’s worrying her.  
“… Uh…”  
And Vincent was an emotionally constipated asshole, so this wasn’t helping.  
“If you’re not going to say anything, please leave me be-“  
“I… Can you open the door… I want to see,” His voice was a little awkward and sad, and Matthew closed his eyes, remembering that this isn’t about him; this is about Rachel and her family. She’s the one dealing with this.  
Matthew didn’t matter.  
He went to the door, and took a deep breath. Slowly, he opened it, starting to feel naked, and wanting to touch his hair, but then remembering that it was buzzed close to his head now.  
His hands were shaking again and Vincent’s eyes widened. He stared at Matthew, who was shivering and trying not to start crying again.  
Rachel’s head popped into his line of vision, but Matthew couldn’t look up from his shoes. He wanted his hair back, he did. But Rachel needed it more, and he loved her.  
Well…  
Yeah he did love her.  
She was nice, and kind, and wanted so hard to make their family work. She was the one that dragged Vincent out of his apartment to meet up with Simon.  
She was the one that held everything together.  
He’d do anything for her. Because she’d do anything for Vincent.  
When did he grow to care for someone he’d barely met?  
“Matthew…?”  
Vincent cupped his cheek, and Matthew stared at him through tear filled eyes. He pressed his cheek against his hand and then sobbed.  
“I… I-“  
Vincent kissed him. He kissed him, and brought him into his chest, holding him tight and making him cry again.  
Matthew didn’t understand why everything hurt so much. All it had been was hair.  
But it hurt. It was change, and Matthew couldn’t take change.  
Vincent held him as his legs gave out, and his sobs were the only thing filling his ears. Matthew couldn’t even speak. He was too sad and crying too hard to care.  
He held him until the sobs turned into cries, then small hiccups, to quiet whimpers. His fingers never stopped brushing over his now short hair, kissing his head and making sure that he didn’t let him go.  
Matthew sniffed, and dug his face into his sweater and finally quieting down. His eyes felt a little swollen and he wiped away any tears left.  
He looked up and saw Rachel staring at him with tears in her eyes. He stood up and walked to her, holding her tight and digging his face into her neck. He felt a surge of protection go over him as the smaller woman began to feel frailer, and almost breakable.  
“Thank you,” Her voice wavered and Matthew smiled.  
He didn’t want to say anything. Because if he said no problem, he’d be lying. She just saw his break down. Because if he said you’re welcome, it’d be empty.  
He felt empty.  
So he just pulled back, and kissed her forehead.

 

* * *

  
Vincent was quiet as they retreated into his room. Matthew was wearing his scarf, trying to get the cold feeling around his neck to stop, but all he wanted to do was sleep for years.  
“You didn’t have to do that,”  
Matthew turned to glare at him, but it fell. He wasn’t in the mood. He was about to slide into the bed when Vincent turned him around and kissed him.  
Matthew let out a gasp as Vincent gripped his backside. He didn’t feel any sort of power like this when him and Vincent had sex. Usually, he would give into Matthew, letting him kiss him and love him.  
But this-  
Matthew let out a moan as he pinned him onto the bed, his legs sticking out as Vincent began to fight with his pants.  
Was this a plot to make him feel better? Who knows, really?  
But Matthew couldn’t help but want him. He was tired and worn out and all he wanted was Vincent.  
He felt his lips press against Matthew’s, biting on his soft skin and sucking a bit. It was a little rough and a bit confused as he had not topped Matthew before, but it was nice.  
“Vincent,” Matthew breathed, and the Dutch man stared at him, smiling at him.  
They were quick to take off clothes, as Matthew had a custom of using loose clothes. And Vincent just didn’t wear underwear anymore.  
Vincent was marking Matthew’s newly visible neck, making sure to warm him up there. Matthew was just responding with loud moans and kicks, making Vincent wince as he managed to kick him right in the ass.  
“Shit,”  
“Still delicate from last night?” Matthew laughed, as he remembered that he did screw him pretty well. Then again, Vincent shouldn’t be so tight by now. They’d had sex so often.  
The man growled in response to that, punctuating his distaste by squeezing cold lubricant on Matthew’s entrance. That got a cry in a response and the blond man kicked at him again.  
Vincent didn’t even really ready him, he held his hips and pushed into him, making Matthew still and let out a moan.  
Shit, he knew what he was doing.  
Matthew arched into his hands, feeling them brush over his stomach and his chest, and for a brief second, Matthew forgot that this person wasn’t going to hurt him. For a second he shivered as his hand went over his throat, expecting him to choke him. To hurt Matthew like he’s been hurt before.  
But instead, Vincent kissed his neck, and Matthew felt his entire body shiver.  
One day he’ll tell Vincent about that…  
“Vincent…” He breathed, feeling the man lift his hips and start to rock inside him. Matthew was in complete bliss, feeling Vincent’s breath in his ear, and muttering things to him in Dutch.  
He groaned and dug his nails into his back, scratching and pulling at him. It’d been so long that he’d felt cared for. It’d been so long since he’d have someone to love him.  
“Matt,” He growled in his air, moving a certain way and making Matthew’s eyes snap open and he let out a grunt, his hands shaking. He dug his fingers into Vincent’s hair and he pulled on them, pressing messy kisses on his face and thrusting against his cock.  
“Come on, baby, you can do better,” Matthew growled, biting down on Vincent’s neck and closing his eyes as his boyfriend slammed into him.  
So close…  
“Tight,” He muttered, not able to talk. He lifted up Matthew, making him let out a groan and a curse. The weird angle was making Matthew’s ass start to sting, but fuck, he got to his prostate.  
“Vincent, fuck, hurry!” There was tingling going up the tips of his fingers and toes and he was starting to shiver. By habit, the dutch man grabbed at his hair, but found nothing there. Instead, he held his lover’s head and kissed him hard, digging his tongue into his mouth and making Matthew shut up as he let out a cry and came onto Vincent’s stomach.  
The man continued inside Matthew making him grunt and squirm, calling him a jackass for doing so.  
“I love you,”  
Matthew stiffened at that, his eyes were wide as he stared at the wall, and Vincent’s fingers dug into his back. He didn’t want to believe what he said.  
That would mean dealing with emotions, that would mean dealing with Vincent, that would mean that this wasn’t going to be easy, that he would get hurt in the end.  
Because Matthew always gets hurt.  
He closed his eyes, and gripped Vincent’s shoulders, feeling him set him down. He pulls out and cleans up, and he ignores the sting at his hips and he ignores the fact that Vincent suddenly is a little cold towards him.  
But Matthew held him tight, gripping his hair and shivering as he kissed his neck. He couldn’t say it back, he’d been hurt so many times.  
He’d been hurt, he wants to tell Vincent.  
But he doesn’t.  
He holds him as Vincent starts to sleep, and he gently whispers, “I do too,” and for a second.  
For a brief second.  
Everything is ok.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matthew takes Lilli to a check up and has a realization

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blood TW, and Gore TW, so if you can't take that im sorry ;;n;;

Matthew had decided to take up his vacation days to spend time with Vincent. It really wasn’t much of a hassle, since the faculty had been bitching for years for Matthew to take a vacation.  
Honestly, he sometimes though he worked too hard.  
He stared at the ceiling, blinking and realizing that he’d been here for almost a month. He was starting to feel a little homesick, but that was a given, honestly.  
But he felt queasy. Mostly uneasy.  
He fingered at the hair that was still too short. His eyes closed and he took a deep breath.  
Lilli was ready to burst at any moment. Matthew honestly wanted to see the new addition to the family that he wasn’t exactly a part of.  
His hair got in his eyes and he bit his lip, a memory of Rachel putting on the wig they made out of his hair. It looked like her hair, maybe a little too brown, but it was close enough.  
There was no say on how she was doing. He was worried.  
He was worried over everyone in this family.  
Vincent was the only one that wasn’t so fucked up. He was holding the family together. Simon was so worried about Lilli that he was starting to have night terrors. Rachel would walk into their room, no matter if both he and Vincent were naked and slid in under the sheets, holding onto Matthew and whimpering for a while.  
Matthew was confused. But it was nice.  
It was nice because sometimes Rachel would be reading, and Simon would be holding Lilli and Vincent was in his lap, smiling as Matthew pet his hair, and he was happy.  
He was very happy.  
Of course, this wasn’t his family. This was Vincent’s family. His family was Alfred, and Gilbert, and tiny little Freddie who adored him and giggled when he held him. His family was picnics at the park as Matthew finished another portrait and Alfred held Freddie as he cooed.  
Maybe both of these moments made them his family.  
Lord knows Matthew loved Rachel. Simon might be a little… Weird, but he seems to enjoy Matthew.  
He felt warmth spread through his chest and his body, as he realized that he had a family. He had a family, no matter that his parents still regarded him as an awful spawn. No matter if he himself only had Vincent with him.  
He had family. He loved his family and they loved him.  
He’d do anything for them.

* * *

  
“So is Lilli starting to feel better?”  
Matthew said gently, biting into a dutch sweet and expecting a reply from Simon. The man turned to him, and his eye blinked. He then shook his head.  
“Of course she is. She’s very healthy, and she seems very stable compared to other times I’ve taken her to the doctor’s,”  
“That’s good. Has she gotten sickness?”  
“Not really. Just some swollen feet here and there,”  
“And do you know the sex?”  
Simon laughed and shook his head, turning the page in his book. Something about him always seemed so much older than he actually was. Maybe it was the way he held himself or his weirdly old way of talking.  
Either way, Simon was intriguing.  
“Not yet,”  
“Do you not wish to know?” Matthew sipped on the coffee in his hand, his face heating up. He was starting to get sick, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone. He didn’t want to stress Vincent anymore than he already was.  
“Not really. Lilli and her brother are so adamant about the sex being a surprise. I couldn’t care less of the sex, as long as both Lilli and the baby are healthy,”  
He closed his book and looked up at Matthew, meeting his gaze. For a second, he thought he saw through Matthew’s rouse, and he could see that Matthew had a fever of 101 right now. For a second he thought that he could see that Matthew was sick and that he didn’t want to stress anyone out.  
He was a weird guy, he did weird things.  
“I’m going to take a nap. I have to head into work later on, would it be a bother to ask you to take Lilli to her check up? I leave the keys on the table,” He smiled and stared at Matthew.  
“Not a problem,” He said gently, and finished his food. He swallowed some water, and waited until Simon left to the room to stand up and rummage through the cabinets.  
He took some pills, reading the label as he chewed the ashy tasting things.  
“Caution: Do not use machinery while under influence of this drug,”  
Matthew hesitated.  
It was hours later, honestly he didn’t have to worry about taking Lilli. Right?  
He shrugged, shoving an extra dosage in his mouth, then chewed them up.

 

* * *

  
His eyes opened as Lilli pat his arm.  
“Matthew?” Her voice was sweet and gentle and Matthew took in a deep breath. His head pounded, and he sat up. The couch was calling his name. He wanted to stay here.  
He wanted to sleep.  
“What is it?” He said, gently, rubbing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He wasn’t sure that he was ok to do this.  
“I need to go to my check up. It’s not that far, and when you come home I’ll make you a cake,” She smiled wide at him, and Matthew felt his face break into a smile.  
She’s so sweet.  
“Nah, that’s alright,” He stepped outside, blinking away sleep and realizing that it was snowing.  
There was an awful silence ringing in his ears, and he took a deep breath, inhaling the cold, bitter air. At that moment, he felt awful.  
He felt like he should go back inside. This wasn’t time for driving, this was time for humans to go inside and enjoy warmth. Enjoy life.  
He blinked again and it was gone. A dog barked, a car alarm went off. He shivered and Lilli came out with a light red sweater, handing it to him.  
“It’s Vin’s. He’s selling some of his art right now, so he won’t be back til later at night,”  
“Oh? He found buyers?”  
“Yes! Rachel was talking about him so much in the cancer war that they told him to come in. They enjoyed his art so much they wanted him to try out a mural for the adult section,”  
That made his smile grow bigger, and his heart warm up. He drove quietly, and thought about Vincent. His smell lingered on his sweater, and Matthew could practically feel his arms around him.  
“You really care about him don’t you?”  
“More than you think Lilli,”  
Lilli was quiet, her hand on her belly. She gently sighed, and continued to stare out the window.  
Matthew was confused at the nervousness starting to make him uneasy. Why was it so bad?  
The snow was starting to fall a little harder, and he started the windshield wipers.  
“It’s snowing too hard, Lilli,” He whispered, stopping at a light. There weren’t any cars at all, and Matthew turned to her, blinking.  
She sighed heavily, but then shrugged.  
“I can call to put it at a different time. How about we go back and I make you some food?”  
She turned to smile at him and Matthew grinned.  
“Oh, come on, sweetheart. You know I won’t let you do that,” He laughed, and was about to turn to a street to make a u turn when he saw a truck heading towards them.  
And speeding.  
His eyes were wide, and in the fraction of a second, he saw that the truck wasn’t in the lane. That the man behind the wheel was losing control.  
“I try so hard to protect her-“  
Simon’s words went through his head, and in those couple of seconds that Matthew turned and the truck sped towards, them, he slammed his hand on the brake, and took off his belt and her belt, moving her over to his side and tucking her between his body.  
The truck slammed into the small car, crushing half of it, and pushing in the door. Matthew felt searing pain go up his side and he let out a shout, making Lilli star to scream.  
Matthew was shaking and his eyes were still blinking away dots. There were noises around him, his body was almost nothing. Something warm trickled down his side, and he took shallow breaths.  
“jdlkas??!!! AJDKFLASJ!!!??”  
Someone was talking to him. Their voice was wavering and soft. Everything hurt, and he opened his eyes, looking at Lilli who was screaming and crying.  
“You’re… ok?” he whispered, his eyes closing as he started to feel himself bleed out. Lilli was screaming and crying, and then she was pulled out of the car by a man.  
Matthew was too tired to fight him. Matthew was just happy that her and the baby were okay.  
“She is strong..,”  
Simon’s words went through his head, and he looked down, seeing a metal shard sticking out of his stomach. He opened his mouth, and let blood drip out.  
It was getting harder to breath.  
Vincent’s words rang in his ears. Freddie’s cute little smile, the first time he talked…  
Alfred and Gilbert smiled at him.  
“I love you,”  
He was sorry he didn’t say it back. Because he understood that Vincent was scared and so was Matthew. He was scared, and everything was scary. Life was just a mess, he just want happiness and warmth…  
But maybe that’s not his place. Maybe it’s not his place, because he wasn’t ready to say things, because he wasn’t really willing to let go. Maybe it was his place to keep Lilli here, and to let her and her new baby have a place.  
If that meant he’d have to finish off so quickly, so be it.  
Yes he was… scared….  
But Lilli was ok. Simon was okay. Everyone was okay.  
And Matthew was too.  
“I love you too,”  
Matthew spit out, and fell forward, and everything grew dark.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vincent realizes something as well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a lot of confused comments about the last chapter.  
> / Sips tea  
> welp

Lilli’s vision had grown fuzzy. All she imagined when she closed her eyes was the truck incoming towards them, and all she could see was a man’s blue eyes.  
As she was screaming and trying to grab at Matthew, she was pulled out of the vehicle. She screamed and fought with the arms, and a gentle voice filled her ears.  
“Lilli, calm down,”  
Her eyes widened and she felt the man’s arms sit her down. Matthew’s body fell forward, limp and she started screaming again.  
“MATTHEW!!”  
Getting up to help, she felt someone push her down again, and the large man went to Matthew, pulling him out of the wreckage, and setting him down.  
“L… Ludwig??”  
Lilli’s eyes widened as the man set Matthew gently on the floor, and pulled off his shirt, putting the cloth over the wound over his belly.  
“It’s my fault, I’m sorry, Lilli,” He whispered, tears dripping onto Matthew’s face and he stared at him with wide eyes.  
He looked familiar…  
Lilli went to him, and bent down to the man’s chest, listening to his heart. It was beating quickly, yet there was no strangling noise in his lungs. He sounded healthy and Lilli felt her heart soar as she realized that he was ok.  
“No hemorrhage, just a lot of blood. Lift your hands for a bit, let me see how bad the stab wound is,” She said gently, as Ludwig was close to breaking down. He shook his head, and pulled his shirt back, and a spurt of blood came up.  
“Pretty bad,” He whispered in German and then put the pressure back. “I called the paramedics, we’re okay,”  
He said gently, Lilli going to Matthew’s face and petting his gently.  
“Are you hurt, Lud?”  
“Sprained arm, a bit of whiplash. Maybe a broken rib, but not much else,” He held him, hearing the noises start to fill his ears.  
Lilli grabbed her phone and starting calling people up.  
“He’ll be okay… I hope…”

* * *

  
Vincent walked out of the gallery, his face full of glee. He couldn’t be any more prouder of himself, seeing as though he got a hefty down payment for a commission for the drawing he was going to be working on in a couple of weeks, after some remodeling and some meetings with sketches.  
He found himself happy. Happier than he’s ever been.  
Of course, there were the problems with his family, the looming sense of his sister’s sickness, but that was something they could fight.  
He was okay.  
Everything was okay.  
His phone rang, and he pulled it out of his slacks, opening it and putting it to his ear. There was a hurried breathing and a sound of clothes being put on.  
“Ja?”  
“Lilli and Simon were in an accident,”  
Vincent’s heart stopped.  
Everything that had been good and everything that made him happy suddenly went down the drain. His face grew pallid and he bolted to the car.  
“What happened, what is it?”  
“I’m not sure, but all I know is that there was an accident. I haven’t gotten a call from Lilli, I … Vincent, please hurry, I’m getting my stuff ready-“  
“Where are you?”  
“I’m at the diner around the corner of the house. I was waiting here for-“  
Vincent didn’t care, he was already driving. He put his phone back to his face and said with an eerily calm voice.  
“Okay, just stay put, I’ll be there in no time,”

* * *

  
It took too long to get Rachel and leave. Rachel was wringing her shirt and she wore a bandana. For some reason she hadn’t brought her wig with her.  
Vincent was too scared to really care. The words that rang in his head mixed between “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” And a mixture of Simon and Lilli’s names. The idea of losing any more family members was starting to weigh on him.  
Simon was so happy with Lilli. They were going to be a family; they were going to be okay.  
He slammed on the breaks and parked beside the scene. Sirens blared and Vincent held himself together as he saw a large truck bashed into Simon’s car.  
Oh no.  
Vincent threw open the door and ran to the scene, screaming Simon and Lilli’s names at the top of his lungs. People parted for him and Lilli appeared in his gaze.  
He was only slightly relieved.  
Her petite little hands were covered in blood and there was another blond man beside her.  
He knit his brows, and then heard a calm voice beside him.  
“Lilli!”  
Simon ran to her and held her and Vincent’s worry flew out of his person. He took a deep breath and covered his chest, his eyes closing as he realized that he had been holding his breath.  
“Oh thank god,” He said, and Simon turned to Vincent. The look of dread on his face brought Vincent’s anxiety through the roof, especially because both of his eyes were visible to him.  
He hadn’t seen them in such a long time…  
“… Vincent… I’m going to tell you something… And I want you to hold yourself together,”  
Vincent laughed and rolled his hand, brushing off his comment. He walked to him and hugged him tight.  
“I don’t have to worry, you two are okay,”  
Simon pulled away from him, and the sirens kept blaring. Snow landed around them, making the scene eerily innocent.  
“I… I wasn’t in the car with Lilli..,” He whispered, and everything stopped again.  
Vincent swallowed as he realized what that meant. He looked up at Lilli, who looked liked she’d seen death.  
“No…. No, no,no,” Vincent stared at the car, and noticed his sweater. The paramedics had a body on the gurney, quickly talking to themselves as the moved around the body.  
“No… no, he’s at home, he’s…”  
Simon turned to Lilli who began to cry again.  
“I’m… He’s lost a lot of blood,”  
The tall man beside her looked like he was about to break down. Vincent himself was starting to shake.  
“No, no, he’s at home, he’s probably painting something stupid again, No he can-“  
The paramedics moved away from the body, and Vincent saw Matthew.  
He’d never seen him so still before. He remembered their first night together, when Vincent woke up at the weirdness of another’s bed.  
Matthew looked so peaceful asleep.  
He looked asleep, but there was no peace in his face. There were bags under his eyes, and he was so pale, and then he noticed that his shirt had been ripped open and there was a wound the size of a baseball on his stomach.  
“Matthew,” Vincent whispered and he screamed his name again.  
“MATTHEW!”  
He was about to jump the tape when the large man grabbed him and Simon pulled him back. He was kicking and fighting, tears rolling down his cheeks and sobs breaking out of his mouth.  
Choruses of Matthew’s name came out of Vincent’s mouth, and everything started growing dark. All he saw was Matthew being pushed into the ambulance and being hurried off.  
Vincent didn’t stop screaming. He fought against the taller man, shouting at him, and yelling at him to let him go. That he wanted to go with Matthew, that he shouldn’t be alone right now.  
It was until Rachel grabbed his face and put him to his chest when he started to calm down. His screams turned into sobs and the tall man fell against his younger sister, weeping into her chest and holding her tight.  
Rachel only pet his head, kissing him and holding him. There were no words of calming from her, because she didn’t even know if he was going to be alright.  
Vincent didn’t stop crying.

 

* * *

  
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Lilli whispered against Simon’s chest as he held her. They were all in the waiting room, as Matthew was in the intensive care unit. His wounds had been severe, and he had died on the way to the hospital.  
That information was withheld from Vincent, as the drugs that the doctor gave them started to kick in. He was numbed down, his head in Rachel’s lap and his eyes filled with tears. It was so weird to see Vincent so broken apart.  
Lilli found it hard to look at him.  
“He saved you… I..,” Simon whimpered and Lilli brought him into a kiss, whipping away tears.  
“He saved both of us,” She whispered as she rubbed her belly, as she remembered exactly where the pole was. She didn’t want to think about it, the images were ingrained in her head.  
She was bottling all up. She couldn’t just break down now, now when everyone was too dazed to notice. She’ll do it at home, behind her doors. She’d do it some other time, when Matthew wakes up.  
Ludwig was set against the other wall, a phone in his large hand. He was speaking gruffly into it, as he was hopped up on meds as well. He was right about the broken rib, and he was also sporting a bad bruise on his right side and he sighed.  
“Ja.. Ja, I am fine. The other guy not so much…,” He whispered, and held the bridge of his nose and shaking it a little. He took a deep breath and then stared at the ceiling.  
“Sure. Of course,” He whispered and sat up, holding his belly. Rachel looked up, noticing that Vincent had fallen asleep and walked to Ludwig.  
She took his hand, kissed it, and slid into his lap, wrapping her arms tightly around him. Ludwig kissed her cheek and gently pat her thigh.  
“Is everything alright? Your brother seemed distraught,” Ludwig whispered, and turned to her, his eyes sad and confused. There was a stormy look to them, and Rachel kissed his lips.  
“That’s my brother’s partner,”  
“Fuck…”  
“What happened?”  
Ludwig looked away from her, and pressed his head against her chest. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pressing against her soft skin.  
“I hit black ice. I was swerving and trying my best to keep still, but… I..,”  
Tears rolled down his face and he began to cry gently, feeling his arms start to shake. Rachel was worried, because in the small amount of time that she had been with the man, he had never shown much emotion.  
“Ludwig, he’s alright. He’s going to be fine,”  
Ludwig dug his face into her chest and cried harder. He didn’t say anything, his quiet cries filling the room.  
His phone rang again and he pulled it out, leaning back and taking a deep breath. Rachel wiped away his tears, and kissed his lips smiled.  
“Hello?”  
There was a little string of curses, and then the person began to talk. Ludwig shook his head.  
“Yeah. I’ll give you the name. It’s Matthew Williams,”  
There was a silence from the other end of the phone. Then a chorus of “no’s” and Gilbert was pulled away from the phone as someone started sobbing.  
“MATTHEW!”  
Ludwig’s eyes widened as Alfred started screaming on the other side of the phone. Rachel stared at Ludwig, who sat up straighter.  
“Does… Does Matthew have a brother?”  
“Y… Yes. His name is Alfred Beillschmidt,”  
There was more screaming from the phone, and Ludwig hung up. He lifted Rachel up with not much of a problem and set her down on the chair beside him. He put his head in his hands and his leg started bouncing.  
Tears were pouring down his cheeks and he rocked back and forth.  
“I… That’s my brother’s husband,” He whispered and ran his fingers through his hair. The sudden realization as to why Matthew looked so familiar hit him right in the face.  
“I almost fucking killed my brother-in-law’s only family…” He dug his face in his hands and Rachel brought him into her arms again.

* * *

  
Vincent woke up on and off. The sedatives where doing a good job, numbing him down to not let him feel anything.  
Matthew had been in surgery for the last couple of hours, and all he wanted to do was hold him. Even if he just got to see him breathing, Vincent would be okay for the rest of the night.  
That wasn’t possible.  
When he woke up, he was on a sofa, in his home. He was still too numb to really care, but he did notice a blond man asleep on a sofa.  
He looked like he’d been through hell. There was a large gash on his face, and the way he slept, he looked like he’d been abused as a kid. He was tucked into himself and Vincent realized that he used to sleep like that.  
Worried, and constantly scared of coming out their shell.  
Vincent felt a sudden comfort with the man in the room. He was confused about that, but the drugs were still too present.  
He hoped the man wasn’t tormented more that he used to be.

* * *

  
There was a racket as he woke up. His eyes opened, and there was screaming going around him.  
He felt a little drunk, as if he’d gotten hammered the night before and decided to down a shot of tequila to fight the morning sickness. He grunted as he sat up, putting his fingers to his head.  
“Fuck-“  
“AND YOU FUCKING THINK I’M JUST GOING TO FORGIVE YOU?”  
Vincent looked up to see a small man with large eyes pushing back at the blond he saw the day before. For a brief second, Vincent mistook him for Matthew.  
But his hips were bigger, and he was a lot huskier than his boyfriend. But very attractive, nonetheless.  
“I already told you, I’m sorry. What more do you want from me?” The man was pushed again and then the smaller man broke down. He began to sob, fell against him and punched him.  
“You hurt Matthew-“  
Vincent felt his skin prickle. The man that looked like he could break at any moment was the reason Matthew was in the hospital.  
He stood up, and walked to the blond. He pulled him away from the man that looked like Matthew, lifted his arm and punched him right in the face.  
“VINCENT!”  
Rachel pushed him back, her eyes red and staring up at Vincent. The dutch man was shaking, tears bubbling in his eyes and pointed at him.  
“Why is he here,”  
Rachel went to Ludwig, holding his hand as he touched his nose. Blood dripped down his stern face and Rachel glared at him.  
“He’s my boyfriend,”  
Vincent went to throw another punch at him, when someone held him back. He turned to them, seeing bright red eyes and a growl came out of thin lips.  
“You throw another punch at my brother, I kick you right in the fucking balls, you understand?”  
Vincent pushed him away, and glared down at the smaller man. He was short, he could take him.  
“And who are you?”  
“Gilbert,” He glared, and then everything began to click in Vincent’s head.  
“Oh, so you’re the asshole who fucked Matthew and decided to move onto his brother,” Vincent’s lips curled into a smirk as Gilbert’s face grew red.  
“I don’t need you to bring up something as stupid as that just because you’re pissed-“  
“You’re asshole of a brother almost killed my boyfriend!”  
Vincent pointed at Ludwig again and then at Rachel.  
“And you, you’re defending him!”  
“I’m not defending anything Ludwig has done,” She whispered, putting a rag to Ludwig’s nose and smiling at Alfred as he handed her another one.  
“Then why is he here?” Vincent growled, and Rachel sighed.  
“He… the reason that he was coming here was to visit us. He wanted to talk to you about me and him being together,”  
Vincent snorted at that, crossing his arms and looking away.  
“Right. As if after all of this, I’d let you anywhere near my sister,”  
“It was an honest to god accident-“  
“I want you to shut the fuck up,” Vincent glared at Gilbert, who shut up and went to Alfred, pulling him into an embrace.  
Ludwig stared at him, and then sighed.  
“… Vincent, right?”  
That brought a scoff to his lips, and he looked like he was closing in on himself again. Tears filled his eyes and he began to shake.  
“Yes,”  
“I… I’m really sorry… Alright? And I’m grateful for Matthew. If it wasn’t for him, my cousin wouldn’t be here, and we’d be stuck with two bodies,”  
That made Vincent let out a wince. He had heard Lilli talking about how they were placed. The image of gore and Matthew being impaled went through his head.  
He didn’t want that image.  
“Rachel is sick, and Simon, at times, refuses to talk to me,” Vincent whispered and he fisted his hands at his sides, he stared at the ground and he felt his chest start to throb.  
“Matthew’s the only thing that has made me feel okay for the last couple of months. He fucking came here, not knowing anyone or anything, and we just met a little over a year ago,”  
Vincent scrubbed his face and looked at Ludwig.  
“I… I’m just… He’s one of the most amazing things that’s happened to me, and you almost took that away,”  
Vincent began to cry and the smaller blond walked to him, and took his hands. He looked so much like Matthew, especially after he cut his hair.  
“You really love my brother, don’t you?”  
He shook his head, unable to lie to the innocent looking man. His smile was genuine and sweet and he grinned up at him.  
“He’s okay, you know that?”  
Vincent shook his head against, and Alfred pressed his face against his chest and hugged him gently. He was crying and shaking, but Alfred said nothing.  
Vincent didn’t say anything. He was too tired and too sad to feel embarrassed about his mood swings. And, also, the drugs were still running out of his system.  
“I’m still mad at your husband for screwing my boyfriend over,”  
“I know. It gets brought up constantly at family reunions,” Alfred laughed and Vincent smiled wide at the shorter male.  
“Come on. Let’s go take you to your room so you can sleep this off. I know they over did your morphine,”  
He pushed him over, making a gesture to Gilbert who shook his head and moved Ludwig and Rachel to the living room.  
“What exactly happened between Gilbert and Matthew… He never really talks about it,”  
Vincent whispered, wiping his face, then surprised to be handed a tissue by the younger man.  
“Well… Gilbert was doing a lot of bad stuff before I met him. Usually involving drugs, stuff like that,” He whispered and Vincent opened his bedroom, going to sit in his bed. Alfred took a seat on the chair for his dresser, and smiled at him.  
“Really? That guy?” Vincent crossed his arms and then laughed. Then again he didn’t look like the run of the mill stoner.  
“Mhm. We met in therapy after Matthew gave him a lecture,” Alfred laughed, and set his hands on his lap. He grinned at him, seeing Vincent turn a shade of red, remembering his own lecture.  
“Matthew told me about your little spat, by the way,”  
That made him turn redder.  
“But… Gilbert was sick. Him and Ludwig had been abused their entire childhood, and honestly.. Matthew was a huge wakeup call…,” He stared at the ground, his thumbs moving against each other.  
“… What’d he do?”  
“Broke his nose after a fight,”  
That was a surprise, and it was evident on Vincent’s face. Alfred smiled.  
“I was going to visit him, when Gilbert fell in front of me with a broken nose and spitting curses at Matthew. So I drove him to the hospital, and the rest well… Time was good to my tiger. He sobered up, and we got married two years later,”  
Vincent smiled. Then knit his brows.  
“… Matthew has mentioned a baby?”  
“Oh, that,” Alfred blushed bright red and rolled his hand.  
“That’s a different story,”  
As if on cue, there was a loud cry and a gentle “oh no” of Gilbert. Vincent smiled at Alfred who sighed and turned to him.  
“You’re not the only one attached to Matthew, you know? Friedrich adores his uncle. We all do. Gilbert never really had romantic feelings for him, but he is the reason he found me,”  
Alfred’s eyes filled with tears and he stared at the ground.  
“Matthew really does keep everything together, Vincent. Matthew is the reason I’m here. He’s the reason I can be with my baby and with my Gilbert,”  
He looked up at Vincent, who was looking completely awful.  
“Ludwig knows this too. Gilbert was hurting himself, and even though he didn’t know Matthew, he knew he owed everything to him. Gilbert hadn’t talked to Ludwig in almost ten years.  
That made questions rise up. How old was Gilbert anyway?  
“And… he almost killed him…” Vincent covered his face and leaned forward.  
“… Yeah… He almost did…,” He whispered, and then reached forward, and lifted his face.  
“Come on, cheer up. He’ll be awake tomorrow. For now, let’s just relax. You have a lot of talking to do with Ludwig and Rachel. They really worried for you…,”  
Vincent stared at the big blue eyes, and then realized that him and Matthew looked nothing alike. But the same raw, and loving emotions were almost exactly the same.  
Vincent felt his heart throb at the idea of losing Matthew.  
“I… I will in a while… I just need some time to myself…,” He whispered and Alfred smiled wide at him.  
“Take all the time you need,”  
He stood up and closed the door, leaving Vincent to rethink some things.


End file.
